Mary Gardiner wrote:
> But should it be the first thing on your mind when you meet a woman, any
> woman. Some men have told me it's inevitable that I get sized up as a
> sexual partner everytime I meet a heterosexual man. I don't like this.
> And I don't like people condoning it terribly much, it's put me in some
> awful situations.
Being sized up like that always makes me feel like a piece of meet.
That sort of feeling has GOT to be the main reason for the 'lesbian
seperatist' type of feminism... and really, I can't blame them. I
HATE feeling that .. icky.
And it's NOT inevitable - I know a lot of heterosexual men who either
don't do it or who have managed to do it privately, without generating
the icky-feeling. (They say they don't do it. I trust them on this
point, but admit that I'm not inside their skulls.)
James Sutherland wrote:
> I agree with other comments here that "canned exploits" are a bad
> strategy in general - having said that, a "beginners' guide" to
> relationships with women is something a lot of us (me!) need..
Here's the most critical part of the beginner's guide: women are
people.
Women and men have much, MUCH more in common than we have different.
We're all human. We all have brains. We share intelligence, curiousity,
and (at least the geeks among us) geekiness. We all get shy, and scared.
We're all intimidated when we feel like we're different, or alone.
The easiest way to strike up a conversation with a woman is to find
something you have in common with her. At an LUG, for instance, you
might go to the quiet woman in the corner and ask if she's feeling
lonely. Then tell her you did, too, the first time you came. Let the
conversation flow naturally from there...
Focus, at first, on what you have the same. Like loneliness, shyness,
nervousness at not being 'knowledgable enough'. Whatever you can think of.
Your goal is NOT to get into her pants. Your goal is to make friends.
Just the same as making friends with a guy - people are people. Of
course, because she's socialised differently and/or different by nature
(let's not get into THAT debate!) the nature of the friendship will be
subtly different. But let that happen naturally - no panicking about it.
And ta-da, there you go. You now have a relationship (admittedly
friendship) with a woman. And that will boost your confidence and
general social skills - you'll develop the skills from there to have the
romantic/sexual relationship.
After all, you wanted a beginner's guide. Begin with friendship. :) No
running when you can't even crawl yet. :)
Besides, I was friends with Dancer for five years (or more!) before we
got married. And we've been married for ten years now. You never know....
Jenn V.
--
"Do you ever wonder if there's a whole section of geek culture
you miss out on by being a geek?" - Dancer.
[EMAIL PROTECTED] Jenn Vesperman http://www.simegen.com/~jenn/
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