<vitriol intensity="fuming">
On Wed, Apr 04, 2001 at 08:37:55PM +1000, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
>
> Being sized up like that always makes me feel like a piece of meet.
> That sort of feeling has GOT to be the main reason for the 'lesbian
> seperatist' type of feminism... and really, I can't blame them. I
> HATE feeling that .. icky.
I abhor overbroad generalizations---when some person slaps someone
else with the label "typical male", or says something to the tune
of "all guys are like this", it really gets my hackles up. [0]
That being said, it seems absurd for me to try and argue the point
"all guys are not jerks" when I see guys all around me
providing poignant examples that they are, in fact, jerks.
Put another way...say that a battle-hardened sysadmin looks over
zir logs and notices that, of all the connections from example.net,
90% are spammers trying to send junk email, 9% are skript kiddies
probing for vulnerabilities that will let them root the server, and
the remainder are legitimate connection attempts. Are example.net's
netblocks going into the firewall? You bet. [1]
(If I sound bitter, sorry. I am.)
> And it's NOT inevitable - I know a lot of heterosexual men who either
> don't do it or who have managed to do it privately, without generating
> the icky-feeling. (They say they don't do it. I trust them on this
> point, but admit that I'm not inside their skulls.)
If you're attracted to someone, there's not too much you can do about
the being-attracted bit. What you do about it, however, is all your
own call, and the "raging hormones" line doesn't cut it.
> Here's the most critical part of the beginner's guide: women are
> people.
Unfortunately, this too often seems like a revolutionary concept.
Sure, things are getting better, but next time you're in the
supermarket checkout line, take a look at the magazine covers.
How many of the people on the cover are women? (IME >90%)
How many of them are there because of their intelligence, wit,
hack ability or business sense? (IME <30%) How many are there
as objects or str8 male eye candy? (IME >70%) (Hint: look for
the models with the vapid "nobody's home" gaze.)
> Women and men have much, MUCH more in common than we have different.
Amen, sister! =)
> Your goal is NOT to get into her pants. Your goal is to make friends.
> ...
> And ta-da, there you go. You now have a relationship (admittedly
> friendship) with a woman.
I am always astonished by the number of (men's|woman's) magazines
that, issue after issue, feature articles on "Everything you
ever wanted to know about (women|men)".
If you want to find out about members of the `opposite gender'[2],
why not go out and befriend one, and then start into the
Spanish Inquistion, hmm? Heaven forfend that you actually find
out about someone by *communicating* with them, instead of taking
the word of the Duly Appointed Experts. [3]
</vitriol>
> After all, you wanted a beginner's guide. Begin with friendship. :) No
> running when you can't even crawl yet. :)
Made this decision consciously a few years ago. I wish I would have
made it earlier.
> Besides, I was friends with Dancer for five years (or more!) before we
> got married. And we've been married for ten years now. You never know....
Personally, (and as unromantic as it may sound) it just seems to
make more sense to me to make friends and gradually ease into as much
intimacy as you both are comfortable with, as opposed to picking
some random stranger off the street, dubbing yourselves "an item",
and going from insubstantial banter to sharing your deepest darkest
secrets in the blink of an eye.
[0] FWIW, I make mistakes and overbroad generalizations too.
Kindly give me a gentle smack if you notice =)
[1] I don't think anyone here seriously thinks this, but I'd like
to point it out for the record: lesbian != man-hater, eh?
[2] This assumes a binary mutually-exclusive gender model.
That sort of thing works for some people; for others, it doesn't.
[3] So-called platonic relationships really are a treasure.
IMHO there's stuff you'll find out this way that there's no other
way of knowing---things like, say, The Invisible Line In The
Men's Room That Thou Shalt Not Look Below.
(Thanks for listening.)
Rick
--
key CF8F8A75 / print C5C1 F87D 5056 D2C0 D5CE D58F 970F 04D1 CF8F 8A75
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you.
:Elbert Hubbard
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