On Wed, 9 Aug 2000, Mandi wrote:
> Marriage is a socialized institution hanging on from a time when explicit
> roles were necessary; it has embedded itself in our laws and religions.
> The same economic freedom that gives a single man the ability to have
> multiple wives that he could never defend in an attack allows women to
> live their lives without being dependent on men. It's no longer a life
> and death situation. It's now about conditioning and societal prejudices.
>
> Not like it's going to change anytime soon; it's probably been in motion
> for hundreds of thousands of years, but marriage is certainly not as
> necessary as it was a couple millenia ago.
>
> --mandi
>
Marriage may no longer be 'necessary' in that in many Western societies women are
permitted and even encouraged to become self-sufficient and no longer need to rely on
a man for their support, but that doesn't mean that it is out-moded and no longer a
suitable social practice.
Marriage may no longer be so necessary for economic reasons, but many people still
consider it necessary for reasons of faith and emotion. This is what is right for
them, the personal choice that they make. Not everyone has to agree with them. Yes,
the laws of the U.S. pretty much enforce the one-man, one-woman arrangement. While I
don't necessarily agree with some of the laws, we do need registration of marriages
for legal matters which have little to do with the marriage itself. I don't
necessarily think that the state has a right to say which arrangements of marriages
are valid and which are not, but you have to remember that the state has a vested
interest in future generations for the continuation of the state.
I suppose that my whole point is that who you marry, how you marry, your martial
arrangements and whether you consider it necessary or not are private. You don't have
to agree with anyone else, and they don't have to agree with you, so long as you and
your marriage partner(s) are in accord and agreement with what is going on. The state
should be encouraged to allow the registration of non-traditional marriage
arrangements for documentation and miscellanious legal reasons.
The problem, though, with the poly-marriages that I see is that a lot of people don't
even know how to make marriage work with just one other person. If you don't know how
to have a marriage with one person, I don't know how you can expect it to work out
with more then one person. Marriages take work, effort, and commitment, all of which
is very unappealing and very lacking today, it seems. It's not considered what happens
after you put away the fancy clothing and the party is over, or two months or two
years down the line. People plan their wedding ceremonies down to the last grain of
rice, but they don't seem to plan or discuss the marriage very well beforehand or be
willing to deal with the aftermath of what life does to the best laid plans and
smoothest waters. There is no 'happily ever after' and that's what seems to be
expected.
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