Hi, Susannah, and everyone,
> >
> > > Because it's incorrect, and traditionally the burden of
'desireability'
> > > is on females.
> > >
> > > Not everyone tries to make themselves desirable to those they're
> > > sexually interested in; at least, not consciously.
When I dress better for work, it's because it's expected in a senior
position, not because I'm trying to attract guys. When I do things to make
myself look better, it's for how *I* feel about *myself*. If my clothes
look really frumpy, I don't like the way I look, and I buy new clothes for
*me*, not for anyone else.
The thing is, I think a lot of women feel societal pressure to make
themselves desirable, and a lot of women buy into that. I think geek women
tend to be women who are outside of what society expects from women to
start with, and don't mind being there.
Still, a lot of guys, even knowing where we come from, still try to put
those expectations on us when we get involved with them.
>
> personally, it's rather pathetic that women even have to *bother* to do
> this, but i know quite a few who deliberately "dress down" to avoid male
> attention to varying degrees.
There is no guarantee that will work either. I had to drop one guy pretty
hard on his pointy little head and let him know in no uncertain terms that
I was in a relationship and that he had no prayer of my ever finding him in
the least bit attractive or interesting. I had tried to be nice, but
distance myself, for a while, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. I
hated hurting him, but that is exactly what it took.
> anyone else have a similar philosophy?
Yep.
> doubt that many female geeks are the type to "present" for other people.
No, but I present for myself. Because of some health problems two years
ago, I gained about 40 pounds (from 119 to 159). I hate myself looking
fat, and I hate having to buy big clothes, and to have to wear everything
very loose-fitting. My decision to work hard (exercise and diet) to lose
the weight had nothing to do with a guy. Heck, somehow I attracted my beau
while at maximum bloat. It has to do with how I feel about me, and not
hating myself when I look in the mirror.
What got Dave and I together was not the physical thing, though I know he
finds me attractive. What did it was that he had never found a woman who
had shared so many of his interests before, including Linux/UNIX. He found
he really enjoyed being with a geeky woman.
You know what, it wasn't his looks that attracted me either, though I do
think he's cute. Still, I'll admit I was little uncomfortable about going
out with a guy who is 16 or 17 inches taller than me at first. The thing
that attracted me was who he is, and what he's like, not his looks, at
least at first.
Is that more normal for a geek grrl? Hmmm...
All the best,
Caity
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