On Sat, 23 Oct 1999, Jernej Zajc wrote:
> Ingrid Schupbach wrote:
>
> Firstly, I didn't suggest you change it into a male nick.
> I for one have a neutral one.
> But to the point.
> If I give you some advice which is evidently able only to
> cure the symptoms I don't expect to get strong-worded reply
> about it not curing the cause. I thought that was clear.
<A BIG CUT>
> And BTW, if you don't let be hurt you cannot be. Admittedly
> this is not easy but it is possible. This also is only a
> suggestion, but you could try it before flaming me back
> again for it not being an option for you.
On this subject of how women get treated in society, men and women are
often so far apart in our perceptions and experiences that it's hard to
even have a successful dialogue. What seems acceptable to each of us
comes across as hurtful to the other. Unwittingly, I seem to have created
a great case in point here.
I certainly didn't intend to "flame" anyone. In fact, I felt like I had
been biting my tongue after several of the responses that have been posted
here. Yet the suggestion that I change my nick (which is "ingrid" or
"1ngr1d" btw), just reminded me of the "just suck it up" attitude that
makes my skin crawl. I know now that that's not what you intended.
Similarly, my response was designed to reflect how strongly I feel, and to
demonstrate why going into hiding or just shutting up isn't my strategy of
choice. But just like I misunderstood/misperceived your response, you
misunderstood mine. This is an emotional, personal topic for all of us,
and trying to achieve greater understanding is hard.
The problem is that we all see and hear other's statements through the
lens of our own lives and experiences. Hence, the same screenshot
obviously says tremendously different things to different observers.
Sadly, the experience of many women in Linux is that we're either ignored
or disrespected; and this affects the way we interpret the statements and
actions of the men we encounter. It may be true that I'm now too prone to
see things negatively, and that my contribution to fixing the problem is
to stop tending to assume the worst. Yet solving this problem will require
a contribution from everyone.
Ingrid
************
[EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.linuxchix.org
