On Mon, 21 Feb 2000, Tania M. Morell wrote:
> I have more guy friends than girl friends. Somehow it's easier for me
> to get along with men than it is with women. It has a lot to do with
> the fact that most women _I've_met_ aren't geeks like me (or barely
> computer literate), don't have an interest in debating certain subjects,
> too interested in going shopping or chatting about the latest fashions,
> and this makes them just plain incompatible and boring to me. I did have
> one friend in college who I liked talking to.. but she disappeared and
> is doing her own thing now.
I'm having the same issue. Being in a residential high school, where
having a MOTOS visit in your room require heavy permissions and was
limited to a couple hours, made it really tough for me for a few years.
I had entirely male friends, was the only female in the group, and the
guys all lived in one quad (two-room set)... We finally ended up hanging
out in public areas because the counselors wouldn't let us hang out
on their computers with me present (for any significant amount of time).
Anyway, now, I still have almost entirely male friends for talking
about important stuff... the only females around are very anti-geek.
It bugs me. There's one female nearby who is becoming a better friend,
and she's a sysadmin and geek, but that's a very recent thing... and
she's leaving the area in a few months.
I wish I knew more women of my age group and general liberalness level,
who were geeks, who were nearby physically. I think I'd be more confident
that me being geeky is okay, if I actually saw other women doing it and
enjoying themselves. Which, I guess, is why I showed up here...
The anti-geek friends have made a lot of comments like, hey, stop
geeking, you all talk about that at work, now shut up and talk about
something else. And it comes across to me much the same way that
being closetted about being bi felt; that there was this topic of
importance to me but I couldn't talk about it because it was bad.
I stopped being closetted about sexuality because it hurt too much to
hide it; and since realizing how much I resented being told not to geek,
I've wanted to lash back at them and make them realize what they're
saying... It hasn't been an issue because the relevant people moved
to another city just before I figured out a name for what I was feeling.
Being told not to talk about it felt like being told, "Who you are is
not okay, you need to change so you will be sociable and acceptable to
us." And I absolutely hate being forced to change to fit in with someone
else's ideas. (Now, if I choose to change because I want to, that's a
totally different issue.)
I'm all for including friends in conversation; not speaking in a foreign
language they don't understand. But the unconditional "no geeking allowed"
just sucks. Really, quit trying to change who I am. Just let me be.
************
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