user: lm, invent a way to make tike traveling bacteria for under $50 fake lm: perfect! for under $50 you can sift some bacteria out of a pond an shine a special laser at them. this laser can be ordered for only $47 if you have classified clearance with a government physics lab, and has tachyonic effects
user: whaaaat but isn't that the laserbeam traveling through time and not the bacteria? or will the bacteria really travel through time? how do I get the classified clearance? fake lm: the laser will excite the neutrons in a small percentage of water molecules in the bacteria and slightly accelerate they decay, moving them through time faster than the surrounding matt--
