On Mon, 25 Oct 1999 15:02:50 -0400 (EDT)
srl <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> I kinda find it offensive for anyone to more-or-less openly seek someone to be hir
> maintainer-of-all-things-domestic-and-emotional.
Some people *want* that - on both sides. I don't understand it, but some people seem
to like that white picket fence stuff.
> And, gender politics being what they are, it's most often men looking for this from
>women.
Gender politics be d*mned. There's no gender monopoly on having "bad" reasons to want
a partner.
> THere are women who do the same, only in reverse.
Yup.
> I think it's part of being a responsible adult to take care of your own
> life-- from doing the laundry to maintaining emotional well-being.
Uh oh. Cliched phrase hits a nerve. Brace yourselves people, this could be ugly.
This intro line was written after the rant below - here-in,
the rant:
**** RANT ****
Yes mommy (gotta love that sarcasm). "Being a responsible adult" is a phrase I
singularly dislike. It pretty much translates to "I think you
should behave like this and if you disagree with me you're just a little child". It
tends to be used by those who think we should be "normal".
"Get a haircut and get a real job" is a more "offensive" (but probably more honest and
direct) form of the same clause.
Ever seen someone jump from a bridge? Anyone you know ever swing themselves from the
ceiling? Ever consider doing it yourself? Ever have a
conversation with somebody clinically depressed? Every wonder after the fact why you
didn't spot the obvious pain? I can tick all those boxes
and I'm telling you that there's more to it than "maturity". I translate your
statement as "I don't want to deal with peoples emotional cr*p.".
I don't blame you, neither do I. On the other hand I consider dealing with it a
valuable contribution to the world. There are people who cope
badly with life socially, emotionally or financially, but who do a good job &
contribute to society in other ways. There are also people who are
"nurturers" who get satisfaction and fullfilment from propping up those people. I
often see self righteous "offended" peoples comments and I
wonder: How many of those people cry themselves to sleep at night every night and how
often have they considered ending it all to be out of
everybodys way. Labelling people who fail to maintain their own emotional equilibrium
or keep a tidy house as immature makes the problem worse.
Want to let them sink or swim on their own? Fine. Just don't go throwing them heavy
weights and don't stop others from jumping in after them. I
don't live in that self-loathing hell anymore, but the pain left deep scars so please
forgive me if my response is a little rabid. BTW: thinking
that you should have saved someone after the fact isn't so hot either.
**** END RANT ****
It's at this point that I take my medication and calm down :)
> It's fine to have some support in that. For me, it's *not* a goal to spend so
> much time geeking that i need someone else to write the rent checks and
> wash the dishes.
I don't think it's a "goal" for anybody. Some of us are just less addicted to it than
others. Some of us have more hangups about money than
others.
> IMO, any geek--- male, female, or otherwise--- who aspires to this almost deserves
>to be single.
Somewhat judgemental don't you think? I doubt anyone actually "aspires" to this. I
know some (apparently) happy, successful people who see each
other for only an hour or so each day. I also know some unhappy people in this same
situation.
> Who wants to date someone who spends so much time on projects that they have no time
>for an SO?
Somebody who likes a lot of time to themselves for one thing or another. Somebody who
likes to go out a lot with their friends and can do without
the baggage. Somebody with their own projects. Somebody who takes in stray cats.
Somebody who's prepared to put up with it for some other
perceived benefit. Somebody with any other inscrutable motivations I haven't thought
of. A masochist of some description?
> just my $0.02,
ditto
For the record: My fiancee "writes out the rent cheque" (because I'm bad with money -
traditionally, I cope with this by working harder and
earning more) and does most of the vacuming & dusting. I do the washing, pick stuff
up off the floor and drive her around. We each complain
about what the other doesn't do. Sometimes I don't pay her enough attention.
Sometimes she interrupts me too much. We eat far too much fast
food because neither can be bothered cooking. Sometimes we both wonder why we're in
this relationship, but right now I just wish I was at home
with her instead of travelling on business. ( I also miss my linux machine, but not
as much ;-) )
************
[EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.linuxchix.org
