SDR opined:
> curious wrote:
> > To some degree men and women try to make themselves "desirable" to
the
> > gender they are intrested in... Other then the statement being
hetrosexist
> > what is wrong with this assumption?
> Because it's incorrect, and traditionally the burden of
'desireability'
> is on females.
Doh! my blood boiled. Excuse me while I do something to turn it down to
"simmer" : BULLS**T!!!
Now I've vented the emotional response, on to a more rational rebuttal:
What you see depends upon where you stand. From where you stand, you can
see the burden that you personally feel. What is harder to see is the
burdens that other people feel. I suspect that the traditional bias in
western culture toward guys "making the first move" colours your
perception somewhat. When guys feel undesirable, they just don't make
the move or, the learn that they are undesirable through rejection.
Guys in general feel the same burden of desirability that females do but
the "burden" takes a different nature. Am I macho enough? Do I earn
enough? Am I handsome enough?
How many guys have heard the line : "You're a really neat guy, but I'm
attracted to <football hero with a whole 3 braincells>."
It's not just a womens issue its a people issue, and it's not one we're
going to fix in a hurry. Attraction isn't based on intellectual logic.
It's based on hormones and other emotional causes. Trying to beat that
is an uphill battle that will end in tears. How many people here are in
a relation based on a logical weighing up of the pros and cons. Zero I
hope, because that kind of relationship is lifeless. I know from
experience. Some things, you just gotta live with. My present
relationship is a complete pain in the butt compared to the one based on
logic, but I wouldn't go back even if you put a gun to my head.
> Not everyone tries to make themselves desirable to those they're
> sexually interested in; at least, not consciously.
For various psychological and social reasons, many people lie to
themselves about this (ie. not conciously) and some people are
conciously aware of and fight their instincts. The words "slut" and
"lecher" have powerful negative connotations.
Some individuals genetically have no drives in this area. If Darwins
theory of evolution is accepted, we must also accept that these
mutations are self limiting, contributing to the world only for their
own generation (unless of course there is an intellectual decision to
propagate). Relationships are full of hassles and compromises. It
usually takes some heavy emotional, chemical and biological causes to
offset the objectively measurable disadvantages.
I'm writing this under time-pressure, so I hope I've (a) been clear and
(b) managed to curb my initial anger.
PS, has anyone else here read "Cult of the Victim"?
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