On Tue, 26 Oct 1999, Simon Britnell wrote:
> > and it's fine if they want that, but i feel like too often
> > white-picket-fence is the normative ideal, and anyone who doesn't want
> it
> > (particularly females) takes a lot of shit.
>
> imho, the person who gives you the most sh*t is yourself. Cultural
> norms are insidious like that. Nobody gives me any crap about not
> wanting to settle down and raise a family except me. I still think it's
> "cultural conditioning" that's responsible, but I'm still the one
> dishing out the angst.
good point. i think this might depend on age and subculture, though---
females i know who are over 30 seem to get increasing numbers of comments
from family members about getting married.
> > I actually think that ... taking care of oneself emotionally ... is
> done by relatively few ... "responsible adults".
>
> I'm not entirely sure how one goes about taking care of oneself
> emotionally. I introspect a lot, but it doesn't necessarily make me
> happy.
I think it varies from person to person, but for me it includes:
-spending time with my own emotions/thoughts before talking about them
-writing rather than venting onto partners/friends, when i can
-figuring out what makes me happy and doing it
-when I'm unhappy about something, taking steps to change the circumstance
or my own perception of it
does that make sense?
> > I've seen lots of nurturers who wouldn't have gotten depressed
> themselves
> > if they'd encouraged their partners to go to therapy.
>
> Therapy is over-rated. The nurturers in these cases get depressed
> because they think they're failing.
I wasn't suggesting therapy as a cure-all. I was saying that in some
cases, paying someone to listen and make constructive suggestions is
better than running a nurturer ragged.
srl
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