Hello Christer, Thanks again for this follow-up, and see below:
Fred [email protected] ----- Original Message ----- > From: Christer Holmberg <[email protected]> > To: Fred L. Templin <[email protected]>; "[email protected]" <[email protected]> > Cc: "[email protected]" > <[email protected]> > Sent: Tuesday, February 19, 2013 11:21 AM > Subject: RE: Genart review of draft-templin-intarea-seal-51.txt > > > Hi Fred, > > Comments inline. > >>> From:[email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On > Behalf Of Christer Holmberg >>> Sent: 19. helmikuuta 2013 12:10 >>> To: [email protected] >>> Cc: [email protected] >>> Subject: [Gen-art] Genart review of draft-templin-intarea-seal-51.txt >>> >>> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on > Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> >>> >>> Document: draft-templin-intarea-seal-51.txt >>> >>> Reviewer: Christer Holmberg >>> >>> Review Date: 19 Feb 2013 >>> >>> IETF LC End Date: 20 Feb 2013 >>> >>> IETF Telechat Date: 21 Feb 2013 >>> >>> Summary: The draft is well written, but with some editorial comments > that I suggest to be addressed before publication. >>> >>> Major Issues: None >>> >>> Minor Issues: None >>> >>> Editorial nits: See below >>> >>> Q_ED_1: Most of the text in the Abstract section does not belong there. > The section should talk about what the document does, and not define what a > subnetwork is etc. Only the last sentence talks about what the draft is about. >> >> Here is a proposed rewrite of the abstract: >> >> "The Subnetwork Encapsulation and Adaptation Layer (SEAL) operates > over virtual topologies configured over connected IP >> network routing regions bounded by encapsulating border nodes. These > virtual topologies are manifested by tunnels that >> may span multiple IP and/or sub-IP layer forwarding hops, where they may > incur packet duplication, packet reordering, source >> address spoofing and traversal of links with diverse Maximum Transmission > Units (MTUs). SEAL uniquely addresses these >> issues through the encapsulation and messaging mechanisms specified in > this document." > > It looks good, but I would start with a "This document specifies a > Subnetwork Encapsulation and Adaptation Layer (SEAL). SEAL operates over > virtual...." Yes, your suggestion looks better. It will appear this way in the next document version. >>> Q_ED_2: In the Introduction section, I would suggest to add a reference > for IP encapsulating/tunneling. RFC 2003 is referenced later in the document, > but I think it would be good to have something also in the Introduction. >> >> Citations for IP encapsulating/tunneling can be added as follows >> >> "The use of IP encapsulation (also known as "tunneling") > has long been considered as the means for >> creating such virtual topologies (e.g., see [RFC2003][RFC2473])." > > Looks good. OK. >>> Q_ED_3: In section 1.2, do you need to define ‘subnetwork’ here? Isn’t > it better to have the definition in one single place – the Terminology > section? >> >> Proposed resolution is to rewrite the first sentence of this section as > follows: >> >> "This document concerns subnetworks manifested through a virtual > topology configured over a connected >> network routing region and bounded by encapsulating border nodes." > > Looks good. OK. >>> Q_ED_4: In section 12, there seems to be a dot too much J >> >> I don't understand this - could you clarify? > > At least in my browser, section 12 looks like: > > ----- > > The IANA is requested to allocate a User Port number for "SEAL" in > the 'port-numbers' registry for the TCP and UDP protocols. > > The IANA is further requested to allocate an IP protocol number for > "SEAL" in the "protocol-numbers" registry. > > . > > ----- > > Note the lonely dot at the end, below the second paragraph :) Ah, I see it now. This will also be fixed. Thank you. Fred [email protected] > > Regards, > > Christer > _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
