Hi Fred, Comments inline.
>>From:[email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of >>Christer Holmberg >>Sent: 19. helmikuuta 2013 12:10 >>To: [email protected] >>Cc: [email protected] >>Subject: [Gen-art] Genart review of draft-templin-intarea-seal-51.txt >> >>I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, >>please see the FAQ at >><http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> >> >>Document: draft-templin-intarea-seal-51.txt >> >>Reviewer: Christer Holmberg >> >>Review Date: 19 Feb 2013 >> >>IETF LC End Date: 20 Feb 2013 >> >>IETF Telechat Date: 21 Feb 2013 >> >>Summary: The draft is well written, but with some editorial comments that I >>suggest to be addressed before publication. >> >>Major Issues: None >> >>Minor Issues: None >> >>Editorial nits: See below >> >>Q_ED_1: Most of the text in the Abstract section does not belong there. The >>section should talk about what the document does, and not define what a >>subnetwork is etc. Only the last sentence talks about what the draft is about. > >Here is a proposed rewrite of the abstract: > > "The Subnetwork Encapsulation and Adaptation Layer (SEAL) operates over > virtual topologies configured over connected IP > network routing regions bounded by encapsulating border nodes. These > virtual topologies are manifested by tunnels that > may span multiple IP and/or sub-IP layer forwarding hops, where they may > incur packet duplication, packet reordering, source > address spoofing and traversal of links with diverse Maximum Transmission > Units (MTUs). SEAL uniquely addresses these > issues through the encapsulation and messaging mechanisms specified in this > document." It looks good, but I would start with a "This document specifies a Subnetwork Encapsulation and Adaptation Layer (SEAL). SEAL operates over virtual...." >>Q_ED_2: In the Introduction section, I would suggest to add a reference for >>IP encapsulating/tunneling. RFC 2003 is referenced later in the document, but >>I think it would be good to have something also in the Introduction. > >Citations for IP encapsulating/tunneling can be added as follows > > "The use of IP encapsulation (also known as "tunneling") has long been > considered as the means for > creating such virtual topologies (e.g., see [RFC2003][RFC2473])." Looks good. >>Q_ED_3: In section 1.2, do you need to define ‘subnetwork’ here? Isn’t it >>better to have the definition in one single place – the Terminology section? > >Proposed resolution is to rewrite the first sentence of this section as >follows: > > "This document concerns subnetworks manifested through a virtual topology > configured over a connected > network routing region and bounded by encapsulating border nodes." Looks good. >>Q_ED_4: In section 12, there seems to be a dot too much J > >I don't understand this - could you clarify? At least in my browser, section 12 looks like: ----- The IANA is requested to allocate a User Port number for "SEAL" in the 'port-numbers' registry for the TCP and UDP protocols. The IANA is further requested to allocate an IP protocol number for "SEAL" in the "protocol-numbers" registry. . ----- Note the lonely dot at the end, below the second paragraph :) Regards, Christer _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
