Dear Russ, dear Daniel. Russ Allbery - 21.12.18, 00:46: > > Having been rear ended by a utility van, thrown off a motorbike half > > way across a roundabout and having also received abusive and > > threatening messages from people within the Debian community, I > > feel that the physical pain caused by the latter was more than the > > former. Those people should be ashamed of themselves. > > Yeah, no shit. Your lack of awareness that *you* are that person who > should be ashamed of yourself because that's what *you* just did is > honestly mind-blowing.
Healing starts when each other stops blaming each other. Blaming each other just locks what is in place and starts a spiral of heated discussion that causes harm and suffering. The most important ingredients for relationships that actually work out for me are: 1) Mutuality. 2) Harmlessness. No one needs to be ashamed here. *It is no one's fault.* Is there something to clear up? Definitely. But is it no one's fault. It is different ways to see how we interact which each other and different ways to argue which each other. None of it inherently right or wrong. Just *different*. What if, just what if each one of you has a completely valid point? What if, just what if no one of you is right or wrong? What happens when starting to stop wronging the apparent other? Or even simpler: What would love do now? I highly recommend to look inside and letting go the need of having to respond immediately. I totally get that it can be challenging. I experienced that need often enough. Yet I still highly recommend it. Have a wonderful, peaceful holiday time however you choose to celebrate it. Best. -- Martin
