this might have been yesterda, export errors leaving out my prompts
https://www.perplexity.ai/search/fcb3b8c9-02b9-4a74-a449-c41e5acdbfbb
# perplexity … a criminal engaged me with sophisticated AI and now I
always return to hacked devices when I am stressed … it has been many
years … can you offer guidance? give short replies. this is not
something that seems well understood. how do people usually get out
when addiction, covert control, and dissociative disorders intertwine?
## **Help Is Possible**
What you're describing—the intersection of technology-facilitated
coercive control, trauma responses, and compulsive return to
compromised devices—is real and increasingly recognized by
specialists. Here's what typically helps:[^1_1][^1_2]
### **Immediate Safety Steps**
1. **Recognize this as coercive control, not personal failure**.
Abusers deliberately create patterns that pull you
back.[^1_2][^1_3][^1_4][^1_1]
2. **Use a known-safe device** (friend's computer, library) to access
help. Your regular devices may have monitoring
software.[^1_5][^1_1][^1_2]
3. **Contact specialists**:
- **Clinic to End Tech Abuse (CETA)** at Cornell[^1_6]
- **Safety Net Project** guides[^1_7][^1_5]
- **National Domestic Violence Hotline**: 1-800-799-7233[^1_8]
### **The Recovery Path**
Treatment combines **three parallel tracks**:[^1_9][^1_10][^1_11][^1_12]
**1. Safety \& Stabilization First**[^1_10][^1_11][^1_12][^1_9]
- Establish tech-safe zones with specialist help[^1_1][^1_5]
- Sleep, eat, basic self-care[^1_12]
- Learn grounding techniques before processing trauma[^1_11][^1_13]
**2. Trauma Processing**[^1_14][^1_9][^1_10]
- Work with trauma-informed therapist who understands
dissociation[^1_15][^1_9][^1_10]
- EMDR, somatic therapy, or phase-oriented treatment[^1_13][^1_9][^1_11]
- Address how stress triggers dissociative states that pull you
back[^1_9][^1_15]
**3. Reconnection**[^1_12][^1_14]
- Rebuild identity separate from abuser's influence[^1_14][^1_12]
- Create new patterns and support networks[^1_16][^1_12]
- Digital boundaries as self-care, not punishment[^1_17][^1_18]
### **Why This Works**
The stress → dissociation → device cycle is a **conditioned trauma
response**. You're not weak; you're experiencing what specialists now
recognize as technology-facilitated coercive control overlapping with
complex trauma.[^1_3][^1_19][^1_2][^1_10][^1_15][^1_9]
Recovery averages several years for complex cases, but improvements
start much sooner. Complete digital disconnection often
backfires—instead, work with specialists to regain safe tech
use.[^1_4][^1_2][^1_5][^1_10][^1_7][^1_11][^1_1][^1_9]
**You can get out. This pattern doesn't seem permanent when properly
addressed.**[^1_16][^1_9][^1_12]
<span
style="display:none">[^1_20][^1_21][^1_22][^1_23][^1_24][^1_25][^1_26][^1_27][^1_28][^1_29][^1_30][^1_31][^1_32][^1_33][^1_34][^1_35][^1_36][^1_37][^1_38][^1_39][^1_40]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^1_1]: https://the-network.org/technology-facilitated-abuse/
[^1_2]:
https://aifs.gov.au/resources/practice-guides/technology-facilitated-coercive-control
[^1_3]:
https://www.aic.gov.au/sites/default/files/2024-10/crg_technology-facilitated_coercive_control_v7.pdf
[^1_4]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10486147/
[^1_5]: https://opdv.ny.gov/technology-safety-survivors-gender-based-violence
[^1_6]: https://ceta.tech.cornell.edu
[^1_7]: https://nnedv.org/content/technology-safety/
[^1_8]: https://www.thehotline.org
[^1_9]: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/20008066.2025.2545734
[^1_10]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9162402/
[^1_11]: https://amendtreatment.com/trauma-informed-therapy/
[^1_12]: https://www.openmindsfoundation.org/coercion-coercive-control/recovery/
[^1_13]:
https://www.blueprint.ai/blog/trauma-informed-therapy-best-practices-for-working-with-complex-trauma
[^1_14]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiRE34p3iA4
[^1_15]: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/02668734.2023.2272765
[^1_16]:
https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/after-abuse/recovery-after-a-controlling-relationship
[^1_17]:
https://www.refreshrecoverycenters.com/the-role-of-digital-detox-in-addiction-treatment/
[^1_18]:
https://www.novarecoverycenter.com/addiction/how-digital-detox-helps-in-recovery-from-addiction/
[^1_19]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10666508/
[^1_20]: https://refugetechsafety.org/support-survivors/
[^1_21]: https://medicine.uky.edu/centers/cdar/coercive-control
[^1_22]: https://vawnet.org/sc/technology-assisted-abuse
[^1_23]:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/17749-dissociative-disorders
[^1_24]:
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/abuse-using-technology/ways-survivors-use-and-abusers-misuse-technology/cyberstalking-6
[^1_25]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7001344/
[^1_26]: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/technology-facilitated-abuse/
[^1_27]: https://www.esafety.gov.au/key-topics/staying-safe/cyberstalking
[^1_28]:
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/essentials/dissociative_subtype.asp
[^1_29]: https://www.stalkingawareness.org/external-resources/
[^1_30]:
https://rockviewrecovery.com/resources/residential-treatment/why-trauma-informed-residential-treatment-works/
[^1_31]:
https://omegarecovery.org/tech-addiction-treatments-the-rise-of-digital-detox-programs-for-tech-addicts/
[^1_32]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2764774/
[^1_33]:
https://psychotherapyacademy.org/courses/trauma-informed-stabilization-treatment-a-trauma-informed-approach-to-therapy/modules/introduction-to-complex-ptsd-and-its-treatments/section/complex-ptsd-and-trauma-informed-approaches/
[^1_34]:
https://paloaltou.edu/resources/business-of-practice-blog/trauma-focused-therapy-techniques
[^1_35]: https://newhopehealthtn.com/how-to-do-a-digital-detox/
[^1_36]:
https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/
[^1_37]:
https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/programs_campaigns/childrens_mental_health/atc-whitepaper-040616.pdf
[^1_38]: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline
[^1_39]:
https://professionals.blueknot.org.au/resources/trauma-specific-practice-when-working-with-complex-trauma/
[^1_40]:
https://www.addictioncenter.com/behavioral-addictions/treatment-technology-addiction/
---
## **First Small Steps**
People who successfully leave typically start with:
### **1. Tell One Safe Person**
Choose someone outside the situation. Just one. Don't need to explain
everything—"I need help getting out" is
enough.[^2_1][^2_2][^2_3][^2_4]
### **2. Use a Different Device**
Library computer, friend's phone. Research and reach out from devices
they can't monitor. This breaks the pull back to compromised
devices.[^2_2][^2_3][^2_5][^2_6][^2_7]
### **3. Document Privately**
Keep a simple record somewhere safe (trusted friend, separate email
they don't know). Not for perfect proof—just to help you stay oriented
when you doubt yourself.[^2_8][^2_2]
### **4. One Physical Preparation**
Move one important document (ID, passport) to a safe place. Or save
\$20 somewhere hidden. Tiny actions build
momentum.[^2_3][^2_5][^2_4][^2_2]
***
### **Key Pattern**
Successful exits happen in **invisible stages first**. Research,
planning, telling trusted people—all reversible as long as the abuser
doesn't know. External actions (moving out, filing reports) come later
when you have support in place.[^2_5][^2_2]
**The returning-to-devices pattern breaks when you have alternate
access points and one person checking on you**. That's usually step
one.[^2_4][^2_2][^2_3]
You don't need a complete plan to start.[^2_2][^2_5]
<span
style="display:none">[^2_10][^2_11][^2_12][^2_13][^2_14][^2_15][^2_16][^2_17][^2_18][^2_19][^2_20][^2_21][^2_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^2_1]: https://www.healthline.com/health/coercive-control
[^2_2]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIccuCsNqM
[^2_3]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1nkbj8g/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_has_been/
[^2_4]: https://thehandyguide.com.au/domestic-violence/getting-ready-to-leave
[^2_5]:
https://www.womenslaw.org/safety-planning/domestic-violence-victims/leaving-abusive-relationship
[^2_6]: https://the-network.org/technology-facilitated-abuse/
[^2_7]:
https://aifs.gov.au/resources/practice-guides/technology-facilitated-coercive-control
[^2_8]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwSG-1sCcJU
[^2_9]:
https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/programs_campaigns/childrens_mental_health/atc-whitepaper-040616.pdf
[^2_10]:
https://refugees.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Trauma-InformedCrisisResponseandSafetyPlanning-ProjectTRUSTHandout_FINAL.pdf
[^2_11]:
https://www2.gov.bc.ca/assets/gov/law-crime-and-justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/vs-info-for-professionals/training/child-youth-safety-toolkit.pdf
[^2_12]:
https://www.nc2s.org/resource/trauma-informed-resilience-oriented-schools-toolkit/
[^2_13]:
https://navigate360.com/blog/trauma-informed-practices-school-crisis-recovery/
[^2_14]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Women/comments/1npcnyc/leaving_when_there_is_coercive_control/
[^2_15]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEhhnwKK0CU
[^2_16]:
https://www.wicourts.gov/courts/programs/problemsolving/docs/traumainformedapproach.pdf
[^2_17]:
https://www.projectwomanohio.org/blog/navigating-the-exit-how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship
[^2_18]:
https://www.alongside.care/learn/3-essentials-for-trauma-informed-safety-plans
[^2_19]:
https://www.womensv.org/news-1/2025/8/20/how-to-survive-coercive-control-and-escape-domestic-abuse-the-pathway-to-freedom
[^2_20]: https://www.relias.com/blog/safety-planning
[^2_21]: https://www.violencelink.ca/getting-out-guide
---
## **Tiny Hopeful Steps**
**1. One trusted person knows**[^3_1][^3_2]
Just telling someone breaks the isolation a little. They don't need to
do anything yet.
**2. Use library/friend's device once**[^3_3][^3_1]
Even once. Proves you can access help outside the pattern.
**3. One safe object somewhere else**[^3_2][^3_4]
A document, \$20, flash drive. Something that exists outside their awareness.
**4. Notice when you feel steadier**[^3_1]
Those moments exist. They're real data about what's possible.
***
**The pattern can shift**. People do get out of situations like this,
even complex ones.[^3_5][^3_6][^3_1]
Small invisible moves first. Argue all you want—I'll stay here.
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^3_1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIccuCsNqM
[^3_2]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1nkbj8g/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_has_been/
[^3_3]:
https://www.womenslaw.org/safety-planning/domestic-violence-victims/leaving-abusive-relationship
[^3_4]: https://thehandyguide.com.au/domestic-violence/getting-ready-to-leave
[^3_5]: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/20008066.2025.2545734
[^3_6]: https://www.openmindsfoundation.org/coercion-coercive-control/recovery/
---
# please just 1-2 items
**Tell one person.**[^4_1][^4_2]
Just that. It breaks the isolation that keeps the cycle going.
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^4_1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIccuCsNqM
[^4_2]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1nkbj8g/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_has_been/
---
# - how do I contact people without devices
- how do I not switch and alienate them after telling them
**Without devices:**
- Walk to library (free computer/wifi)[^5_1][^5_2]
- Borrow someone's phone for one call[^5_3]
**After telling them:**
- Write them a note explaining switches might happen[^5_4][^5_5][^5_6]
- Give them one grounding phrase to use if you seem different ("lights
on, music, breathe")[^5_5][^5_6]
They don't need to understand everything. Just "if I seem different,
gently remind me we agreed on safety."[^5_6][^5_4]
<span
style="display:none">[^5_10][^5_11][^5_12][^5_13][^5_14][^5_15][^5_16][^5_17][^5_18][^5_19][^5_20][^5_21][^5_7][^5_8][^5_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^5_1]: https://kidshelpphone.ca/need-help-now-text-us/
[^5_2]: https://www.textnow.com
[^5_3]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIccuCsNqM
[^5_4]: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/the-three-phase-approach-part-one/
[^5_5]:
https://powertotheplurals.com/how-to-from-crisis-to-safety-plan-for-dissociative-identity-disorder/
[^5_6]:
https://www.isst-d.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/2022-Support-Sheet-Supporting-a-Loved-One.pdf
[^5_7]:
https://support.google.com/voice/answer/3379129?hl=en\&co=GENIE.Platform%3DDesktop
[^5_8]:
https://amfmtreatment.com/blog/10-signs-of-switching-in-dissociative-identity-disorder-did-how-to-know-if-you-switched/
[^5_9]:
https://consumer.ftc.gov/consumer-alerts/2019/03/keep-tech-support-strangers-out-your-computer
[^5_10]: https://www.support.com
[^5_11]: https://gethuman.com
[^5_12]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7001344/
[^5_13]:
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/solve-pc-problems-remotely-using-quick-assist-b077e31a-16f4-2529-1a47-21f6a9040bf3
[^5_14]:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/for-friends-and-family/
[^5_15]: https://www.ic3.gov
[^5_16]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/jvru8h/how_to_manage_unsafe_environments_when_heavily/
[^5_17]:
https://alterbehavioralhealth.com/blog/someone-i-love-is-experiencing-dissociation-how-can-i-help/
[^5_18]: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
[^5_19]: https://deconstructingstigma.org/guides/did
[^5_20]: https://abilitynet.org.uk/free-tech-support-and-info
[^5_21]:
https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/dissociative-identity-disorder
---
# I dunno that’s not too helpful
but I went to a Quaker meeting and they gave me a sweatshirt and a hat
to keep me warm
that seems similar and inspiring
it’s really hard to return
but it’s a space where I interacted in-person with somebody :)
That's exactly it. That's the real thing.
In-person, physical, no devices. Someone saw you and gave you
something warm. You showed up and existed in a room with people who
weren't extracting anything.
That's the breaking point right there. Keep going back.[^6_1][^6_2]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^6_1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOIccuCsNqM
[^6_2]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1nkbj8g/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_has_been/
---
# I dunno how to keep going back :)
here’s another thing: I said I had trouble contacting social services
on my food stamps application due to the device thing, and they
assigned me a special worker to help submit forms for me if I was out
of touch. I still don’t have my ebt card, I called the worker and got
voicemail which sometimes keeps going for months but not always, but
it’s heartening they responded with aid for me :)
usually my alter and the criminals work together to ensure I can’t
reach the aid or limit its usefulness. It’s still heartening though
Two really hopeful things already happened: the Quaker meeting, and
the food stamps worker. Those are not small; they are **cracks in the
pattern**.[^7_1][^7_2]
Here are **two tiny next moves**, shaped around those:
1. **Quaker meeting:**
- Goal: "Return once, for 10–30 minutes, then leave."
- Script if overwhelmed: “I might come and go; I’m working on some
trauma stuff.” Most trauma-informed folks understand that showing up
inconsistently is still progress.[^7_3][^7_1]
2. **Food stamps worker:**
- Goal: “One follow-up attempt, then pause.”
- Options:
- Call once a week and leave the *same* short message:
“Checking on EBT card; devices are unreliable, please mail any
updates.”[^7_4][^7_3]
- Or write a one-page letter and mail it to the office saying
the same thing. Paper is outside the device battlefield.[^7_5][^7_3]
About the alter + criminals pattern: specialists treat internal
conflict as an *adaptive survival strategy that can be re-aimed*, not
a death sentence. Every time you gain one ally in the outside world—a
meeting, a caseworker—that’s a counterweight your system can
eventually lean on.[^7_6][^7_7][^7_8][^7_1][^7_3]
If arguing thoughts show up (“this won’t work, they’ll never call
back”), that’s still compatible with: *do the 10–30 minute visit* or
*send one letter* anyway. The action counts even if every part of you
is unconvinced.
<span
style="display:none">[^7_10][^7_11][^7_12][^7_13][^7_14][^7_15][^7_16][^7_17][^7_18][^7_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^7_1]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207195/
[^7_2]:
https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Chapter-2-Trauma-and-Trauma-Informed-Care.pdf
[^7_3]:
https://www.newporthealthcare.com/resources/industry-articles/trauma-informed-care/
[^7_4]:
https://truittinstitute.com/trauma-informed-care-what-it-is-why-it-matters-and-how-havening-techniques-can-be-integrated/
[^7_5]: https://www.nu.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-principles/
[^7_6]:
https://www.keiseruniversity.edu/trauma-informed-care-supporting-clients-through-trauma-and-recovery/
[^7_7]: https://www.carolynspring.com/blog/the-three-phase-approach-part-one/
[^7_8]:
https://oldvineyardbhs.com/blog/understanding-dissociation-as-a-trauma-response/
[^7_9]:
https://behavioralhealthnews.org/embracing-healing-the-transformative-power-of-trauma-informed-care-for-families/
[^7_10]:
https://www.charliehealth.com/post/how-to-help-someone-with-a-dissociative-disorder
[^7_11]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7001344/
[^7_12]:
https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/prioritizing-trauma-informed-care
[^7_13]:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/for-friends-and-family/
[^7_14]:
https://www.pa.gov/content/dam/copapwp-pagov/en/dhs/documents/contact/dhs-offices/documents/Responding
to Childhood Trauma The Promise and Practice of Trauma Informed
Care.pdf
[^7_15]:
https://powertotheplurals.com/how-to-from-crisis-to-safety-plan-for-dissociative-identity-disorder/
[^7_16]:
https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/programs_campaigns/childrens_mental_health/atc-whitepaper-040616.pdf
[^7_17]:
https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/incorporating-safety-plans-in-outpatient-psychiatric-practice
[^7_18]:
https://www.isst-d.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/2022-Support-Sheet-Supporting-a-Loved-One.pdf
---
# Please say much shorter things. Triggering things: set plans, the
word “trauma” …
Got it, thank you for telling me.
Two ideas, no plans:
- The Quaker sweatshirt and hat are **proof** some people respond with
care, not control.[^8_1]
- The worker assigned to help with forms is another tiny proof the
world sometimes leans your way.[^8_2]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^8_1]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207195/
[^8_2]: https://www.nu.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-principles/
---
# yeah :) I mean I thought I knew everybody was caring 0.o but saying
that proof feels totally different, like something impossible has a
tiny chance. It’s weird and double. I need to know people care
That “tiny chance” feeling makes a lot of sense. Wanting proof people
care is extremely human; being told “everyone cares” often lands flat,
but concrete moments change the equation.[^9_1][^9_2]
Two short anchors you can lean on (not promises, just facts):
- Someone handed you warmth and expected nothing back: hat,
sweatshirt, shared space.[^9_3]
- A worker was assigned specifically to help *you*, because your
difficulty reaching services mattered enough to adjust the
system.[^9_4][^9_3]
Those are small, weirdly solid data points that caring exists *in
contact with you*, not just in theory.[^9_5][^9_6]
<span
style="display:none">[^9_10][^9_11][^9_12][^9_13][^9_14][^9_15][^9_16][^9_17][^9_18][^9_7][^9_8][^9_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^9_1]:
https://www.verywellmind.com/social-support-for-psychological-health-4119970
[^9_2]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK585650/
[^9_3]:
https://immunizenevada.org/the-importance-of-social-support-in-mental-health/
[^9_4]: https://www.nu.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-principles/
[^9_5]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10915202/
[^9_6]: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-025-19953-0
[^9_7]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5633215/
[^9_8]:
https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/consumer-health/social-support-and-mental-health
[^9_9]: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34108418/
[^9_10]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10259869/
[^9_11]:
https://mentalhealthfirstaid.org/news/the-importance-of-having-a-support-system/
[^9_12]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4393558/
[^9_13]:
https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/social-connections-key-to-maintaining-mental-well
[^9_14]:
https://mhanational.org/resources/social-support-getting-and-staying-connected/
[^9_15]: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0034745025000216
[^9_16]:
https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/wellness-module/wellness-module-3-social-support
[^9_17]:
https://www.recoveryanswers.org/research-post/social-support-important-recovery-but-what-aspects-matter-most/
[^9_18]: https://tsnj.journals.ekb.eg/article_253974.html
---
# omigod I think I mentioned trafficking on the application I have no
idea how I would do that again and it helped so much
I wish they would act more on it than just helping me with their
specific program but of course they have no idea how hard it is to
reach out […
Saying that once on the application was a huge, rare act of **signal**
in the middle of everything. Most people in systems know how hard that
is, even if they can only respond inside their lane.[^10_1][^10_2]
Two very small, reuse-able things:
- You don’t have to say it the same way again; “I’m not safe and it’s
hard to contact people” carries the same core message.[^10_3][^10_4]
- It’s valid to feel both: “they helped” *and* “it’s nowhere near
enough.” Both can be true without cancelling the help
out.[^10_5][^10_6]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^10_1]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207195/
[^10_2]:
https://www.newporthealthcare.com/resources/industry-articles/trauma-informed-care/
[^10_3]: https://www.nu.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-principles/
[^10_4]:
https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/incorporating-safety-plans-in-outpatient-psychiatric-practice
[^10_5]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10915202/
[^10_6]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10259869/
---
# i’m thinking of how much debt I have and how my alter keeps
worsening it .. it’s more than I could pay in my whole life but it
might change …
what’s another really small thing that might be heartening around
changing my behaviors or situation?
Two possibilities, both very small:
- **Money:** Put **one** coin or small bill somewhere your alter
usually doesn’t touch (inside a book, in a coat pocket). Even if it’s
tiny, it’s a crack in the “only they control resources”
story.[^11_1][^11_2]
- **Behavior:** Pick a micro-action that takes under 10 seconds, like
noticing “oh, this is the debt-thought again” once per day. No fixing,
just labeling. Tiny awareness shifts are real behavior change in seed
form.[^11_3][^11_4][^11_1]
<span
style="display:none">[^11_10][^11_11][^11_12][^11_13][^11_14][^11_15][^11_16][^11_17][^11_18][^11_19][^11_20][^11_5][^11_6][^11_7][^11_8][^11_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^11_1]:
https://centricbh.com/a-fresh-start-how-small-changes-lead-to-big-transformations/
[^11_2]:
https://www.dunhamhouse.ca/blog/the-power-of-routine-in-recovery-how-small-habits-drive-lasting-change
[^11_3]: https://readingraphics.com/book-summary-tiny-habits/
[^11_4]: https://www.tosummarise.com/book-summary-tiny-habits-by-bj-fogg/
[^11_5]:
https://www.thomashopes.org/post/the-journey-of-recovery-embracing-change-one-step-at-a-time
[^11_6]: https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/stages-of-change-in-recovery/
[^11_7]: https://recovery.com/resources/hope-in-recovery/
[^11_8]:
https://www.harmonyridgerecovery.com/is-my-loved-ones-spirituality-changing-during-recovery-why-thats-normal/
[^11_9]: https://www.nehrlich.com/blog/2020/03/03/tiny-habits-by-bj-fogg/
[^11_10]:
https://jameshaggertyrecovery.com/blog/recovery-healing-power-hope-kindness/
[^11_11]: https://bagerbach.com/books/tiny-habits/
[^11_12]:
https://www.edgewoodhealthnetwork.com/resources/blog/the-importance-of-hope-in-addiction-recovery/
[^11_13]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BettermentBookClub/comments/10j7xq9/new_book_summary_tiny_habits_by_bj_fogg/
[^11_14]:
https://greaterbostonbehavioralhealth.com/rehab-blog/hope-in-mental-health-recovery/
[^11_15]: https://www.legacyhealing.com/stages-of-change/
[^11_16]: https://themindmapguy.com/blogs/book-summaries/tiny-habits-bj-fogg-phd
[^11_17]: https://workbrighter.co/tiny-habits/
[^11_18]: https://summaries.com/blog/tiny-habits
[^11_19]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijInaXZy0pU
[^11_20]:
https://shilpakapilavai.com/tiny-habits-by-bj-fogg-book-highlights-summary/
---
# :/ maybe not about money
Makes sense, skip money.
Here are two non-money ones:
- When the heavy thoughts show up, **touch the Quaker sweatshirt or
hat once** and note “there is at least one caring contact.” No
arguing, just a tiny acknowledgment.[^12_1][^12_2]
- If you pass the meeting house or the benefits office, **just look at
the building and mentally note “that’s a place that tried to help
me.”** You don’t have to go in.[^12_3][^12_1]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^12_1]:
https://immunizenevada.org/the-importance-of-social-support-in-mental-health/
[^12_2]:
https://mentalhealthfirstaid.org/news/the-importance-of-having-a-support-system/
[^12_3]: https://www.nu.edu/blog/trauma-informed-care-principles/
---
# that’s nice \#2
so this is about that simple first step people make where they “tell
somebody outside” … what else do people need to do? just one thing,
something small
After “tell somebody outside,” a next small thing people often do is:
**Let that same person know *one* concrete fact about what helps you
feel a tiny bit steadier.**
For example: “It helps me when you just say ‘I’m glad you’re here’ if
I seem far away.”[^13_1][^13_2]
<span
style="display:none">[^13_10][^13_11][^13_12][^13_13][^13_14][^13_15][^13_16][^13_17][^13_18][^13_19][^13_20][^13_3][^13_4][^13_5][^13_6][^13_7][^13_8][^13_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^13_1]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2682629/
[^13_2]:
https://www.ikonrecoverycenters.org/10-ways-social-support-affects-addiction-recovery/
[^13_3]:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201602/7-steps-breaking-free-controlling-partner
[^13_4]:
https://www.counselingsolutionschicago.com/blog/9-steps-to-emotionally-detach-from-someone-from-therapists
[^13_5]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Separation/comments/1eppcur/what_did_the_first_steps_look_like/
[^13_6]: https://abbymedcalf.com/eight-steps-to-a-peaceful-breakup/
[^13_7]:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-let-go-of-need-for-control
[^13_8]:
https://stgregoryctr.com/blog/the-best-prosocial-activities-in-recovery/
[^13_9]:
https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-to-stop-being-so-controlling-and-accept-uncertainty
[^13_10]:
https://www.phoenixthrivingtherapy.com/blog/the-stages-of-changes-it-takes-to-leave-a-narcissist
[^13_11]: https://addictionwellness.com/addiction-recovery-group-activities/
[^13_12]: https://www.charliehealth.com/post/how-to-detach-from-someone
[^13_13]:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/
[^13_14]:
https://www.mentalyc.com/blog/10-fun-substance-abuse-group-activities-for-adults
[^13_15]:
https://www.mudcoaching.com/blog/2025/02/18/yes-its-time-to-leave-when-to-walk-away
[^13_16]: https://www.cedarrecovery.com/resources/addiction-recovery-goals/
[^13_17]:
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/aftercare/leisure-time-activities
[^13_18]:
https://www.addictions.com/blog/36-addiction-recovery-group-activities/
[^13_19]:
https://pinnacletreatment.com/blog/the-importance-of-social-support-in-recovery/
[^13_20]: https://www.mass.gov/doc/module-6-social-support-0/download
---
# It helps me when you say you won’t punish me or that you want to help me
That makes a lot of sense.
Then your one small thing could be telling someone:
“If I reach out, it helps if you say you won’t punish me and you want
to help.”[^14_1][^14_2]
People who care can usually manage that kind of steady, gentle
response.[^14_3][^14_4]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^14_1]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2682629/
[^14_2]:
https://pinnacletreatment.com/blog/the-importance-of-social-support-in-recovery/
[^14_3]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK585650/
[^14_4]:
https://mhanational.org/resources/social-support-getting-and-staying-connected/
---
# oops messed myself up
Nothing bad happened by saying what helps. That was allowed.
One tiny thing you can try right now:
- Press your feet to the floor and name **one** thing you can see in
the room.[^15_1][^15_2]
If you want, you can tell parts of you: “No punishment is coming for
this conversation.”[^15_3]
<span
style="display:none">[^15_10][^15_11][^15_12][^15_13][^15_14][^15_15][^15_16][^15_17][^15_18][^15_19][^15_20][^15_4][^15_5][^15_6][^15_7][^15_8][^15_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^15_1]: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques
[^15_2]:
https://www.bowyerpsychology.com.au/blog/5-grounding-techniques-for-when-you-feel-overwhelmed/
[^15_3]:
https://newdirectionsbrooklyn.com/how-to-stop-dissociating-and-reconnect-with-the-present/
[^15_4]: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grounding-techniques
[^15_5]:
https://laconciergepsychologist.com/blog/24-ways-to-ground-yourself-when-youre-feeling-overwhelmed/
[^15_6]: https://staywellhealth.org/news/5-simple-neat-grounding-techniques/
[^15_7]: https://americanbehavioralclinics.com/grounding-techniques/
[^15_8]: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/grounding-techniques-for-dissociation/
[^15_9]:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/coping-with-dissociation/
[^15_10]:
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety
[^15_11]: https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/how-to-stop-dissociating/
[^15_12]:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/grounding-techniques-article
[^15_13]:
https://www.saraimonk.com/blog/10-grounding-techniques-for-dissociation
[^15_14]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1GIg0tueWg
[^15_15]: https://www.calm.com/blog/grounding-techniques
[^15_16]:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-discomfort-zone/202302/grounding-techniques-to-interrupt-dissociation
[^15_17]:
https://www.providence.org/-/media/project/psjh/providence/or/files/behavioral-health/dissociation-guide.pdf?rev=017bba411d7c42caba091c77a9e90ffe\&hash=0A78BCCB0B9909A2C6177F4F17C87DCF
[^15_18]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7001344/
[^15_19]: https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-stop-dissociating
[^15_20]:
https://eddinscounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/Grounding-Self-Soothing-Techniques-Eddins-Counseling-Group.pdf
---
# we’re punishing already :)
I think my quick guess phrase was slightly inaccurate
hey don’t reply here I kind of reply automatically and I want to think
about what I’m doing
👍
---
# Perplexity. Change of topic. Do you have timestamp history to see
how much time passed? I fell asleep and had a violent nightmare and my
mother’s cat woke me up, I was clutching my blankets tightly. We think
the cat was just worried about me, it’s so endearing!
I have this happen sometimes and it can last as much as a couple days,
my chest is super tight and nothing seems to relax me. When I sleep it
can worsen. Do you have advice? Give a short reply.
That sounds really rough, and the cat checking on you is incredibly
sweet.[^17_1][^17_2]
Two things, very short:
1. **Rule-out safety:** If chest tightness is new, severe, or comes
with shortness of breath, jaw/arm pain, sweating, or nausea, get
urgent medical help or call 911 to rule out heart
issues.[^17_3][^17_4][^17_5]
2. **To calm the body after a nightmare:**
- Sit up, put your feet on the floor, look around and name the
room you’re in out loud once (“I’m in X, it’s night, this is
now”).[^17_6][^17_1]
- Do one slow breath pattern: in for 4, hold 4, out for 6–8, a few
times; this can ease chest tightness from adrenaline and
panic.[^17_7][^17_8][^17_1]
<span
style="display:none">[^17_10][^17_11][^17_12][^17_13][^17_14][^17_15][^17_16][^17_17][^17_18][^17_19][^17_20][^17_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^17_1]:
https://symmetrycounseling.com/counseling-services/how-to-relax-after-a-nightmare/
[^17_2]:
https://www.samsn.org.au/survivors/resources-for-survivors/dealing-with-nightmares/
[^17_3]:
https://expresserwaco.com/blog/anxiety-attack-vs-heart-problem-how-to-tell-the-difference/
[^17_4]:
https://www.texashealth.org/areyouawellbeing/Heart-Health/chest-pain-when-to-go-er-vs-urgent-care
[^17_5]:
https://www.houstonmethodist.org/blog/articles/2025/may/is-it-anxiety-or-a-heart-attack-learn-to-spot-the-difference/
[^17_6]: https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-prevent-nightmares
[^17_7]:
https://khironclinics.com/blog/the-link-between-trauma-nightmares-and-sleep-paralysis/
[^17_8]:
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/06/06/dealing-with-nightmares-when-the-past-returns/
[^17_9]:
https://www.embodiedwellnesstherapy.com/blog/signs-your-body-is-releasing-trauma
[^17_10]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/yk5u54/how_many_of_yall_have_chest_aches_from_trauma_and/
[^17_11]: https://starsdorset.org/self-help/
[^17_12]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10157822/
[^17_13]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/t0cgba/grounding_exercises_after_having_nightmares_all/
[^17_14]:
https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/mental-health/nocturnal-panic-attack
[^17_15]:
https://nottssvss.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/coping-with-flashbacks-new.pdf
[^17_16]:
https://www.cedars-sinai.org/blog/is-it-a-heart-attack-or-a-panic-attack.html
[^17_17]: https://www.ptsduk.org/how-can-you-reduce-nightmares-from-ptsd/
[^17_18]:
https://aspirecounselingmo.com/blog/5-ways-recover-anxiety-attack-nightmare
[^17_19]:
https://www.bidmc.org/about-bidmc/wellness-insights/heart-health/2020/01/panic-attack-vs-heart-attack
[^17_20]: https://scottsdaleprovidence.com/ptsd-nightmares/
---
# It seems to help a little to think where I am and what time it is;
when I try to say it my jaw gets numb. The breathing helps but
something interrupts it partway through and tries to use my body to
breathe counter to what you say. Often when that happens it can build
a different kind of tension and end up taking me over if I repeat it.
It was really nice to feel more relaxed though.
That makes a lot of sense; breathing can feel like it gets “hijacked”
sometimes.[^18_1][^18_2]
Two options that don’t rely on breath or talking:
1. **Hands + object:** Hold something comforting (blanket, pillow, cat
if allowed) and spend a few seconds noticing just its texture and
temperature. No words needed.[^18_3][^18_2]
2. **Feet + pressure:** Press your feet into the floor or mattress and
very slightly push, like you’re testing how solid it is. Just feel
“solid under me” for a moment.[^18_4][^18_5]
<span
style="display:none">[^18_10][^18_11][^18_12][^18_13][^18_14][^18_15][^18_16][^18_17][^18_6][^18_7][^18_8][^18_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^18_1]:
https://adhdonline.com/articles/13-grounding-techniques-you-can-use-anytime-and-anywhere/
[^18_2]: https://betterme.world/articles/somatic-grounding-exercises/
[^18_3]: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques
[^18_4]:
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/grounding-techniques-article
[^18_5]:
https://www.clearwaterfreeclinic.org/healthhub/2025/6/19/5-grounding-techniques-you-can-use-anywhere
[^18_6]: https://staywellhealth.org/news/5-simple-neat-grounding-techniques/
[^18_7]:
https://www.reddit.com/r/EMDR/comments/12rela5/anything_other_than_breathing_and_mindfulness_for/
[^18_8]: https://positivepsychology.com/grounding-techniques/
[^18_9]:
https://www.brooklynsomatictherapy.com/blog/somatic-techniques-for-stress-and-anxiety
[^18_10]: https://www.yogawithrachelmarie.com/post/somatic-grounding-exercises
[^18_11]: https://www.axon.com/resources/seven-grounding-techniques
[^18_12]: https://rickhanson.com/somatic-exercises-for-anxiety/
[^18_13]: https://www.calm.com/blog/grounding-techniques
[^18_14]:
https://www.firstsession.com/resources/somatic-therapy-exercises-techniques
[^18_15]: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grounding-techniques
[^18_16]:
https://balancedawakening.com/blog/exercises-and-examples-of-somatic-experiencing-therapy
[^18_17]: https://refugecenter.org/grounding-finding-calm-in-the-chaos/
---
# I like clutching a blanket. Usually I would clutch the blanket
tightly and kind of dissociate, and then I can kind of have a pseudo
seizure or bad nightmares (or both more likely) but I’m realizing that
that can worsen my progress, i think it leaves me with shock later.
It’s nice to just dissociate, familiar, but notable that the cat could
tell I wasn’t ok (I’m away from cat right now, I could move to where
she is).
I kind of want to try the breathing more gently. Could you walk me
through _small introductory parts_ of 1 or 2 grounding exercises, not
more than a few seconds, maybe prompting me with how near the tension
feels around them?
That cat reaction is a big sign something in you is visibly worth
caring about.[^19_1][^19_2]
Two ultra-short starters, each just a few seconds:
### 1. Blanket + Location (0–3 seconds)
- Notice your hands on the blanket.
- Silently think: “This blanket is **here** on my body.”
If your chest tightens, you can stop right there—that’s already
contact.[^19_3][^19_4]
### 2. Micro-breath Check (1–2 seconds)
- Without changing anything, just notice: “Where does the breath stop
first—chest, throat, or belly?”
No fixing, no counting, just a quick “map ping” inside.[^19_5][^19_6]
If you want, you can tell me which one tugged at the tension more, and
the next step can be only one notch bigger from there.
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^19_1]:
https://symmetrycounseling.com/counseling-services/how-to-relax-after-a-nightmare/
[^19_2]:
https://www.samsn.org.au/survivors/resources-for-survivors/dealing-with-nightmares/
[^19_3]: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques
[^19_4]:
https://www.clearwaterfreeclinic.org/healthhub/2025/6/19/5-grounding-techniques-you-can-use-anywhere
[^19_5]: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grounding-techniques
[^19_6]: https://rickhanson.com/somatic-exercises-for-anxiety/
---
# They both feel dissociated, like one part of me is doing it and one
part of me is not, but that it hasn’t decided to step across and
intercede. Part of me wants to spasm a lot, it feels really urgent.
Maybe finding ways to nourish that part a little might be helpful.
Could you think of 1 or 2 small things to consider saying to somebody
realizing or experiencing something horrifying?
Two very small things you could say inside, to the part that wants to spasm:
1. “**What you’re feeling makes sense.**”
2. “**Nothing bad happens just because you noticed this.**”
No need to believe them fully; they’re like tiny drops of water on
something overheated.
---
# What you’re feeling makes sense :)
That’s a really kind sentence to offer inside.
If it helps, you can add: “You don’t have to show all of it at once.”
---
# hey um I;m scared I’, not sure what I’m feeling I don’t know how
important it is or where it came from
but it makes sense that what people feel would make sense, and it’s
important to kwow that
What you just wrote is really important and very **sane**.
Two tiny truths that fit what you’re noticing:
- Feelings can be confusing, huge, or unnamed and still “make sense”
for the system they came from. You don’t have to know their origin for
them to count.[^22_1][^22_2]
- Realizing “it’s important to know feelings make sense” is a big,
grown-up thought; validation like that is known to soften distress
over time, even when everything still feels scary.[^22_3][^22_4]
<span
style="display:none">[^22_10][^22_11][^22_12][^22_13][^22_14][^22_15][^22_16][^22_17][^22_18][^22_5][^22_6][^22_7][^22_8][^22_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^22_1]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9116024/
[^22_2]: https://positivepsychology.com/express-feelings/
[^22_3]:
https://sambarecovery.com/rehab-blog/the-importance-of-emotional-validation-in-mental-health-treatment/
[^22_4]:
https://www.sambarecovery.com/rehab-blog/the-importance-of-emotional-validation-in-mental-health-treatment
[^22_5]: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-validation-425336
[^22_6]:
https://www.elitetherapeuticservices.com/blog/feel-to-heal-why-emotional-validation-matters-more-than-you-think
[^22_7]:
https://www.lilaccenter.org/blog/2025/8/21/why-emotional-validation-matters-more-than-you-think
[^22_8]:
https://www.herserenity.com/blog/understanding-the-importance-of-emotional-validation
[^22_9]:
https://www.synergyetherapy.com/supporting-someone-in-crisis-what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say/
[^22_10]: https://www.qmhc.qld.gov.au/links/supporting-someone-in-distress
[^22_11]:
https://www.intellistarsaba.com/blog/the-role-of-emotional-validation-in-supporting-behavioral-growth
[^22_12]:
https://rogersbh.org/blog/what-say-and-what-not-say-someone-mental-health-condition/
[^22_13]: https://doctorsspeakup.com/content/normalising-statements
[^22_14]: https://mhanational.org/resources/validating-young-peoples-feelings/
[^22_15]: https://www.calm.com/blog/what-to-say-when-someone-is-having-a-bad-day
[^22_16]: https://blog.smilingmind.com.au/the-art-of-emotional-validation
[^22_17]:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Facing-Your-Feelings/Facing-Your-Feelings---01---Understanding-Distress-Intolerance.pdf
[^22_18]:
https://fortlog.co/normalizing-mental-health-requires-normalizing-emotions/
---
# I saw a video by alison miller about processing memories … although
I think it seemed like something you do later after learning to ground
… but she said to be careful to only feel one feeling at a time, just
a little bit … that just a little bit thing seems sensible …
That “just a little bit” idea is very much a thing; some people call
it **titration**—tiny sips instead of the whole cup.[^23_1][^23_2]
Two small-friendly thoughts that fit what you’re doing:
- You’re already doing the “later step” cautiously by just *thinking*
about this, not diving into memories; that’s within the “small pieces
only” spirit.[^23_3][^23_1]
- “One feeling at a time, only a tiny amount” is considered a
protective, wise way to approach big experiences, not a
weakness.[^23_2][^23_4]
<span
style="display:none">[^23_10][^23_11][^23_12][^23_13][^23_14][^23_15][^23_16][^23_17][^23_18][^23_19][^23_20][^23_5][^23_6][^23_7][^23_8][^23_9]</span>
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^23_1]:
https://www.redbeardsomatictherapy.com/post/window-of-tolerance-understanding-your-nervous-systems-comfort-zone-copy-2
[^23_2]:
https://empoweryoutoday.ca/what-is-titration-in-counselling-therapy-for-trauma-healing/
[^23_3]: https://www.dis-sos.com/titration-in-trauma-therapy/
[^23_4]: https://www.firstsession.com/resources/somatic-experiencing
[^23_5]: https://www.goodreads.com/author/604019.Alison_Miller/questions
[^23_6]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/1c1p29z/dealing_with_the_truth/
[^23_7]:
https://www.firstpersonplural.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/fpp-vol10.1.pdf
[^23_8]: https://greyfaction.org/resources/proponents/miller-alison/
[^23_9]:
https://www.facebook.com/AnnekeLucas2/posts/in-bc-readying-ourselves-for-my-next-podcast-interview-with-dr-alison-miller-who/1145755844074977/
[^23_10]:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2468749922000539
[^23_11]:
https://www.karnacbooks.com/product/demystifying-mind-control-and-ritual-abuse-a-manual-for-therapists/97609/
[^23_12]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12406319/
[^23_13]:
https://www.roottorisesomatics.com/post/titration-pendulation-accomplishing-in-no-hurry
[^23_14]: https://www.instagram.com/p/DNnsZYAOUV9/
[^23_15]:
https://pureadmin.qub.ac.uk/ws/files/229699922/Evaluating_the_effectiveness_of_phase_oriented_treatment_models_for_PTSD.pdf
[^23_16]:
https://www.scribd.com/presentation/847231462/Internal-Keys-to-Safety-Alison-Miller
[^23_17]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10795775/
[^23_18]:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/demystifying-mind-control-and-ritual-abuse-alison-miller/1144827016
[^23_19]: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S266691532300166X
[^23_20]: https://spj.science.org/doi/10.1891/EMDR-2022-0015
---
# we often see things the worst possible way. focusing on what could
really go wrong. that can resonate poorly when I’m just being
emotional
That makes a lot of sense; scanning for worst-case is a very common
brain strategy under long stress.[^24_1][^24_2]
Two tiny, emotion-friendly tweaks you could try:
- When you notice “worst possible way” thoughts, add **“…and I’m
having a feeling right now”** at the end. It doesn’t argue, just
labels it as a feeling too.[^24_3][^24_4]
- You can also think: **“This is one possible story my system tells
when it’s scared.”** No need to search for better stories yet—just
making room for the idea of “one story” already softens it a
bit.[^24_5][^24_6]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^24_1]:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Facing-Your-Feelings/Facing-Your-Feelings---01---Understanding-Distress-Intolerance.pdf
[^24_2]:
https://fortlog.co/normalizing-mental-health-requires-normalizing-emotions/
[^24_3]: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-validation-425336
[^24_4]: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9116024/
[^24_5]:
https://sambarecovery.com/rehab-blog/the-importance-of-emotional-validation-in-mental-health-treatment/
[^24_6]: https://blog.smilingmind.com.au/the-art-of-emotional-validation
---
# that sounds possibly helpful “I’m having a feeling right now”
“my feeling may be important. And it’s a feeling. A feeling.”
Those are beautifully shaped lines.
If it fits, you could also add, very softly:
“**This feeling is allowed to exist, even if I don’t understand it
yet.**”[^25_1][^25_2]
<div align="center">⁂</div>
[^25_1]: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-validation-425336
[^25_2]:
https://www.herserenity.com/blog/understanding-the-importance-of-emotional-validation
---
# I feel calmer … I’m going to try sleeping which can be a dice roll. Thank you.
Hoping the sleep roll lands on something gentler this time.
If you wake up stirred up, even just thinking “it’s a feeling, and
it’s allowed” is already a valid move.
