I’m in favor of Bill’s suggested wording as well - as is, the second sentence qualifies the first, so it makes sense to make it a qualifier clause within that sentence.
-C > On Jul 28, 2021, at 1:21 PM, [email protected] wrote: > > Hi All, > > +1 > > Scott Johnson > > On Wed, 28 Jul 2021, Mike Burns wrote: > >> Hello, >> >> I concur that Bill's changes make the text flow better. >> >> Regards, >> Mike Burns >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: ARIN-PPML <[email protected]> On Behalf Of William Herrin >> Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2021 3:43 PM >> Cc: ARIN-PPML List <[email protected]> >> Subject: Re: [arin-ppml] Revised - Editorial Change ARIN-edit-2020-9: >> Section 8 Editorial Clean-up >> >> On Tue, Jul 27, 2021 at 9:56 AM ARIN <[email protected]> wrote: >>> In Section 8.3.: >>> >>> Under “Conditions on source of the transfer,” replace “Number resources >>> received as the result of an 8.2 transfer are out of scope for the purposes >>> of this restriction” with “This restriction does not include 8.2 transfers.” >> >> Howdy, >> >> They both seem about the same to me. The replacement is less clumsy than the >> original but still clumsy. Just throwing out some wordsmithing here: >> >> Current; >> >> The source entity must not have received a transfer, allocation, or >> assignment of IPv4 number resources from ARIN for the 12 months prior to the >> approval of a transfer request. Number resources received as the result of >> an 8.2 transfer are out of scope for the purposes of this restriction. >> >> Suggested: >> >> Excluding section 8.2 transfers, the source entity must not have received a >> transfer, allocation, or assignment of IPv4 number resources from ARIN >> during the 12 months prior to the approval of a transfer request. >> >> That seems to me to flow better. >> >> Regards, >> Bill Herrin >> >> >> -- >> William Herrin >> [email protected] >> https://bill.herrin.us/ >> _______________________________________________ >> ARIN-PPML >> You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to the ARIN Public >> Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). >> Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: >> https://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml >> Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues. >> >> _______________________________________________ >> ARIN-PPML >> You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to >> the ARIN Public Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). >> Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: >> https://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml >> Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues. > _______________________________________________ > ARIN-PPML > You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to > the ARIN Public Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). > Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: > https://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml > Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues. _______________________________________________ ARIN-PPML You are receiving this message because you are subscribed to the ARIN Public Policy Mailing List ([email protected]). Unsubscribe or manage your mailing list subscription at: https://lists.arin.net/mailman/listinfo/arin-ppml Please contact [email protected] if you experience any issues.
