I got halfway through a project that would solve broadly the same 
problems as your /etc/issue proposal. It faltered when Launchpad kept 
attaching the blueprint to Drupal and the merge proposal didn't go anywhere.

The would-be blueprint is still available[1], the bug in Launchpad has 
been fixed[2], and the merge proposal is still awaiting review[3].  If 
anyone can suggest a plan to get the merge looked at, the rest should 
only be a few days of work.

        - Andrew

[1]https://wiki.ubuntu.com/BlueScreenOfLife
[2]https://bugs.launchpad.net/blueprint/+bug/320889
[3]https://code.launchpad.net/~andrew-bugs-launchpad-net/friendly-recovery/ubuntu/+merge/3642

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