well now!! > > > > God's Thoughts on Lawns! > GOD: > Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in > the world is going on down there on the planet? What > happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I > started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden > plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand > drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the > long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and > flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of > colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. > > St. FRANCIS; > It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The > Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and > went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with > grass. > > GOD: > > Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It > doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and > sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these > Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? > > ST. FRANCIS: > Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it > and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing > grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the > lawn. > > GOD: > The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass > grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. > > ST. FRANCIS: > Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, > they cut it - sometimes twice a week. > > GOD: > They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? > > ST. FRANCIS: > Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it > in bags. > > GOD: > They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? > > ST. FRANCIS: > No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. > > GOD: > Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so > it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and > pay to throw it away? > > ST. FRANCIS: > Yes, Sir. > > GOD: > These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when > we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely > slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. > > ST. FRANCIS: > You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass > stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more > money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to > get rid of it. > > GOD: > What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. > That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. > The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and > shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground > and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and > protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life. > > ST, FRANCIS: > You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn > a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them > into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. > > GOD: > > No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree > roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? > > ST. FRANCIS: > After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy > something which they call mulch. They haul it home and > spread it around in place of the leaves. > > GOD: > And where do they get this mulch? > > ST FRANCIS: > They cut down trees and grind them up to make the > mulch. > > GOD: > Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. > Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you > scheduled for us tonight? > > ST. CATHERINE: > 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about.... > > GOD: > Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from > St Francis. > >
--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
