On Jul 6, 11:11 am, Steven D'Aprano <steve +comp.lang.pyt...@pearwood.info> wrote:
> The Dead Window Sketch > ====================== > > [snip] ########################## The Roman Stawman Sketch ########################## [cmp.lang.python]: (The trolls are gathered and a righteous man speaks.) GRACCHUS: For your guidance TrollCaesar, the Senate has prepared a series of protocols to address the many problems in the community, beginning with basic understanding of USER DEFINED CONTROL STRUCTURES, which is already propagated wildly throughout the community and people are suffering gravely from a misunderstanding. So if TrollCaesar… (Obviously bored, Commodus is spinning his sword on its tip on the marble floor. He interrupts.) COMMODUS: Shhh. Don’t you see Gracchus? That’s the very problem, isn’t it? You've spent all your time at study, at books, learning and programming. All the while my self aggrandizing has been forgotten by the people. (He rises and brings his sword to rest across his shoulders. He begins to pace.) GRACCHUS: But comp.lang.python is the people, Sire, chosen from among the people, a place to "speak" for the people. COMMODUS: I doubt if many people know as much as you do Gracchus, or have such splendid code bases, Gaius. I think I understand my own people. GRACCHUS: Then perhaps TrollCaesar would be so kind as to teach us, out of his own extensive experience about the nature of USER DEFINED CONTROL STRUCTURES. (Laughter is heard from the other group members.) COMMODUS: I call it lies. The people are my children and I their father. I shall hold them to my bosom and embrace them tightly with lies and propaganda. GRACCHUS(interrupting): Have you ever embraced someone dying of exceptions, Sire? (Commodus stops pacing and turns to face Gracchus bringing his sword down from his shoulder.) COMMODUS: No, but if you interrupt me again, I assure you, that you shall! [INT. PALACE – COMMODUS CHAMBERS]: (He is struggling to clear his conscience. Lucilla assists him.) COMMODUS: Who would deign to lecture me? LUCILLA: Commodus, the community has its uses. COMMODUS: What uses? All they do is talk. It should be just you and me, and Guido. LUCILLA: Don’t even think it. There has always been a community. COMMODUS: The community has changed. It takes an emperor to rule an empire. LUCILLA: Of course, but leave the people their (She hesitates, searching for the right word.) COMMODUS: Illusions? LUCILLA: Traditions. COMMODUS: My war against the righteous, they said it themselves, it achieved nothing. But the minions loved me! LUCILLA: Minions always love victories. COMMODUS: Why? They didn’t see all the work that went into stuffing those straw-men. LUCILLA: They care about the entertainment. COMMODUS: The Entertainment? Well what is that? LUCILLA: It’s a way to waste time, entertainment. Entertainment is a vision. COMMODUS: Exactly! A vision. Do you not see, Lucilla? I will give the people a vision, a false vision and they will love me for it. And they’ll soon forget the tedious sermonizing of a few honest group members. (He extends his hand to her and without hesitation, she accepts it. Commodus raises her hand to his lips and kisses it.) COMMODUS: I will give the people the greatest false vision of their lives... Strawmen! Legions of them! (A hand reaches out and opens a mail reader. It is Usenet. And a thread called the "Dead Window Sketch". The splendor of his false victory.) [EXT. Rome – MARKET]: (Gaius approaches Gracchus at an outdoor café (starbucks). Gaius is waving a leaflet advertising “Comp.lang.python.Gladiators_Violante.”) GAIUS: Straw-men. 150 days of Straw-men! GRACCHUS: He’s cleverer than I thought. GAIUS: Clever? The whole of cmp.lang.python would be laughing at him if they weren't so afraid of his forked tongue. GRACCHUS: Fear and wonder. A powerful combination. GAIUS: You really think the people will be seduced by that? GRACCHUS: I think he knows what comp.lang.python is. Comp.lang.python is the mob. He will conjure comedy for them and they will be distracted. He will take away their freedom to think with half stuffed straw-men, and still they will roar. The beating heart of comp.lang.python is not the halls of righteousness; it is the den of minions. He will give them tripe, and they will love him for it. -- http://mail.python.org/mailman/listinfo/python-list
