> How can I configure my primary server to accept connections/mail from the
> secondary server but still refuse connections/mail from all other cable
> connections.

I use TLS client certificates for these purposes*

http://www.postfix.org/TLS_README.html

* Not for backup to primary mx, but whenever I 'own' both sides of the
connection and one is behind a dynamic ip (soho server sends outgoing
mail via company relay, ...).

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