VIKING TO CONQUER SCOTLAND Gaelic kilts are set to quiver this coming week as a handful of PDMLers from across Europe make a pilgrimage to the land of single malts, haggis and unreasonably throwing telephone poles about. Pentax afficionado Jostein Oshkoshbagosh (son of Ivan the Exposed) is embarking on an arduous luxury ferry voyage accompanied by his concubine and three hobbits. The invaders will be landing along the north east coast of England where they will be greeted by local celebrity Lord Wilson of Corstruthblimey and invited to rape, pillage and plunder a modern housing estate near Newcastle-upon-Tyne, convenient for shops and buses. Meanwhile, a separate onslaught from Southernbastardshire will be led by Colonel Sir Chalfont C. Cotswold and is anticipated in the area by 1800 hours Zulu/UTC. Sir Cotswold heads a regiment of over two who will be commandeering the notorious 'M1' conduit in order to establish an overnight camp well in time for tea. After a bloody good send-orf by Lord and Lady Wilson, the coalition forces of Oshkoshbagosh and Cotswold will march north for the final assault past Hadrian's Wall, arriving in an area known only as 'Death By Mosquito'. The intrepid forces will consolidate a base camp near Aviemore where it is thought that many stunning landscapes will be captured and interrogated using a 'shock and awright let's stop in it's pissing down again' campaign involving heavy artillery like the Pentax 645 SMC 45mm backed by MZ-S field assault pieces. Modern technology is also likely to be used in the Mother of all Battles for the Perfect Exposure with Optios, Powershots and even a Canon DSLR (Don't Stop Losing Resolution) being brought to bare on an unforgiving terrain. Reinforcements are expected in the shape of Italian playboy Gianfrancozeffirelli who will be making a brief personal appearance to rouse the troops with a stunning rendition of The Three Tenors (also known as Thirty Quid) singing 'La Lavatore' after downing several pints of Wychwood's Hobgoblin. Using all the trappings of modern technology, communications with the region will be unaffected, and regular briefings may be expected from time to time. In all the invasion is planned to be over and done with in just seven days, leaving little behind in the wake of what can only be described as 'a severe and unconditional testing of the photographer's abilities to get up in the morning'. Lord Wilson is 92.
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