Thanks everyone! I'll work on the feedback in the days ahead.
Michal
On 12/04/18 02:51 PM, James wrote:
On 04/12/2018 08:41, Michal Nowak wrote:
Good afternoon,
Can a native English speaker read the changed text at
https://github.com/OpenIndiana/openindiana-welcome/pull/10/files and
provide feedback (either in the PR or here), please?
I speak English "like a native" which doesn't make me an expert.
"Because" should be avoided at the start of a sentence. [I just broke
that.] It can be and is but because it needs a subordinate clause and a
main clause it is generally better to introduce the ideas in a logical
order. "because reason, fact" -> "fact because reason". Try:
"Our success as a operating system distribution depends upon the success
of our community so please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC
channels and GitHub projects."
Alternatively as the subject is "Getting Involved" put the primary fact
first:
"Please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC channels and GitHub
projects as our success as a operating system distribution depends upon
the success of our community.".
"In contrast to Linux, illumos is developed" as above with "because".
Start with the facts about yourself then optionally why it is not
something else. "illumos is developed as a whole operating system" ...
"This is in contrast...".
"Considering the cross-pollination of technologies with FreeBSD and
Linux, our code-base had contributed in a notable extent to operating
system's innovation." -- I'm didn't understand. For one it is "to the
system's" if it is several "to systems'". Try: "cross-pollination of
our code-base with FreeBSD and Linux has contributed to operating system
innovation." - ours, theirs, generally? I don't know what the message
is supposed to be.
"Hence ..." better not at the start of a sentence.
"Developers can instantly leverage", leverage is a noun.
Many of the word orders are not natural, in many places, leading to,
excess,,, commas. How picky are we? Do you want it rewritten?
James.
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