On Tue, Dec 4, 2018 at 2:52 PM James <l...@xdrv.co.uk> wrote: > On 04/12/2018 08:41, Michal Nowak wrote: > > Good afternoon, > > > Can a native English speaker read the changed text at > > https://github.com/OpenIndiana/openindiana-welcome/pull/10/files and > > provide feedback (either in the PR or here), please? > > I speak English "like a native" which doesn't make me an expert. > > > "Because" should be avoided at the start of a sentence. [I just broke > that.] It can be and is but because it needs a subordinate clause and a > main clause it is generally better to introduce the ideas in a logical > order. "because reason, fact" -> "fact because reason". Try: > "Our success as a operating system distribution depends upon the success > of our community so please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC > channels and GitHub projects." > Alternatively as the subject is "Getting Involved" put the primary fact > first: > "Please feel welcome in our mailing lists, IRC channels and GitHub > projects as our success as a operating system distribution depends upon > the success of our community.". > > "In contrast to Linux, illumos is developed" as above with "because". > Start with the facts about yourself then optionally why it is not > something else. "illumos is developed as a whole operating system" ... > "This is in contrast...". > > "Considering the cross-pollination of technologies with FreeBSD and > Linux, our code-base had contributed in a notable extent to operating > system's innovation." -- I'm didn't understand. For one it is "to the > system's" if it is several "to systems'". Try: "cross-pollination of > our code-base with FreeBSD and Linux has contributed to operating system > innovation." - ours, theirs, generally? I don't know what the message > is supposed to be. > > "Hence ..." better not at the start of a sentence. > > "Developers can instantly leverage", leverage is a noun. >
It is also a verb. > > > Many of the word orders are not natural, in many places, leading to, > excess,,, commas. How picky are we? Do you want it rewritten? > > > > James. > > > _______________________________________________ > openindiana-discuss mailing list > openindiana-discuss@openindiana.org > https://openindiana.org/mailman/listinfo/openindiana-discuss > -- --- Praise the Caffeine embeddings _______________________________________________ openindiana-discuss mailing list openindiana-discuss@openindiana.org https://openindiana.org/mailman/listinfo/openindiana-discuss
