Thanks Richard, I almost wet myself.
Jannie > > > Just in case you need a laugh: > > Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school > diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our > jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' > which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct > the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the > gripe sheets before the next flight. > > Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some > actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and > the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. > > By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an > accident. > > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. > * > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. > * > P: Something loose in cockpit > S: Something tightened in cockpit > * > P: Dead bugs on windshield. > S: Live bugs on back-order. > * > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. > * > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. > S: Evidence removed. > * > P: DME volume unbelievably loud. > S: DME volume set to more believable level. > * > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. > S: That's what friction locks are for. > * > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. > * > P: Suspected crack in windshield. > S: Suspect you're right. > * > P: Number 3 engine missing. > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search > * > P: Aircraft handles funny. > (I love this one!) > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. > * > P: Target radar hums. > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. > * > P: Mouse in cockpit. > S: Cat installed. > * > And the best one for last... > * > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on > something with a hammer. > S: Took hammer away from midget. > > > > > > >
