On Tue, May 22, 2001 at 04:35:46PM +1200, Penguina wrote:
>
> No, not imagining things at all. You could have an engineering degree
> from an Ivy League school, a Ph.D. in computational physics from one of
> the top 5 graduate schools in the field, sterling recommendations from a
> Nobel Prizewinner and another from a Fellow of the Royal Society, 25
> years of programming for pay, most recent 5 in the hottest areas of
> computing, several products successfully chugging away making money
> for you in "the real world."
>
> Doesn't matter. You'll NEVER prove yourself to a sexist's satisfaction
> any more than all the Paul Robesons and George Washington Carvers and
> Colin Powells and Toni Morrisons in the world have proved anything to
> the racists.
>
> That's just the way it is.
A clear statement. I guess it's probably true, in general.
However, I'm wondering if it's really always that bad.
I've had my own experiences in two male-dominated areas -- yet, as
personal experiences are usually limited somehow, I'm always genuinely
interested in collecting bits and pieces to get a clearer overall
picture of things. So, I thought it would be nice if we could simply
share some of our experiences.
Having uttered this wish, I think I have to make the first step myself.
So here's my story...
Before I got to computers and software, I was kind of a hardware geek.
While other girls played with what you'd normally expect them to play
with, I somehow seemed to prefer soldering iron and oscilloscope.
It always fascinated me deeply what you could do with these little
transistors, op-amps, resistors, capacitors and other *ors.
During my late teenage years I had invested considerable time and
energy into extending my knowledge in this field, and it had become
a real obsession. So it seemed quite natural to go on with this track
and study electrical engineering. Well, in hindsight, this wasn't one
of the best ideas my little brain has ever come up with.
I must admit I was a little naive at the time. In the environment I
grew up, it seemed either welcome (parents) or at least tolerated
(school, peer-group) for women to pursue activities like these. Well,
people usually did react a little surprised, but there was no real
hostility. This immediately changed when I tried to transform my hobby
into a profession. I still do recall that stupid grin of the guy in
the office where I handed in my subscription to electrical engineering.
In short, I did get my share of male domination :(
Don't know about other places, but where I live (germany), there were
only about 0.5 % women in that field in the mid-eighties when I started.
On the professor's/lecturer's side a can't remember to have ever seen a
woman (only the secretary who announced lecture changes ;(
The most prominent experience was that of not being taken seriously.
I don't have too much of a problem with being confronted with other
opinions. In this case, I at least do get a chance to argue.
But that arrogant way of silently ignoring someone is just hurting.
Really! I'm not a crybaby, yet that mixture of anger and helplessness
more than once got me on the edge of tears. Don't they know what
they're doing, or do they do it deliberately? At least, quite a number
of men knew how to play this 'invisibility' game very well. To make
this clearer: I felt invisible with respect to everything related to my
technical qualification. And I really don't think I was the most stupid
one. As a woman - in the sense of being an object of sexual desire -
things were quite the opposite way. Most of the time there were a
couple of men around me. Not trying to brag in any way -- quite
contrary, it felt like it wouldn't have made much of a difference if
any other woman had taken my place. Yet, I don't want to speculate too
much on the men's motivation, maybe it was just curiosity or pity.
Actually, to be fair, there *were* a few men who kept talking to me,
even after I had unambiguously disclosed my lesbian orientation (btw,
another thing that didn't necessarily make my life easier -- but this
would get totally off-topic). The behaviour of these few men really
impressed me, as I took it to mean that they were honestly interested
in my abilities, interests, achievements, and what I had to say. These
were the rare cases when I felt taken seriously in that male-dominated
domain. Thanks to *those* men -- we need more of you!
All in all, however, I didn't have the power to fight this through.
I'm not a masochist. So finally, after two years, I had been
successfully scared away, and decided to switch to the social sciences,
which is apparently more in line with what is expected of women to
engage in. Well, I'm exaggerating a little, this hostile atmosphere
wasn't the only reason for me to give up, but it did play an important
role. The other reason was simply that my interests had more and more
moved away from hard- to software.
Paradoxically, while studying psychology, I found plenty of opportunities
to develop my programming skills, and I received lots of positive feedback.
(Well, in the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed is the king ;)
Anyway, eventually I had accumulated enough confidence to go back and
try to do programming for a living.
Not yet having completely forgotten my previous experiences, my
expectations were not too high. I guess that's why I was moderately
pleased to see that in the IT sector, the situation for women appeared
to be far better than in the engineering area. Sure, there is still a
long, long way to go, but we're at least not being kicked out without
even having got started. In particular, it's my impression, that in
direct face-to-face communication with IT people, things seem to go
reasonably smoothly. I was usually being given a fair chance to prove
my skills and become an accepted member of the team.
Mailinglists and similar fora may be a different issue. I have to
admit, that I don't really have too many first hand experiences here,
because up to now, I was behaving like a coward using a male pseudonym
(sorry, sisters, but it seemed less prone to trouble). I'll try to
stand up in the future... btw, just in case more of us are playing
this game, there might be a higher percentage of women in the field
than it appears ;)
Ok, enough revelations now. Hopefully, I've not bored you to death.
(And please bear with me struggling to find the right words.)
Hoping that some of you will find the time and courage to share their
stories. I'd somehow love to hear *your* personal experiences as female
geeks in the male-dominated fields!
- Almut
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