No further comments. Thanks! On Sun, Oct 13, 2024 at 04:16 Pascal Thubert <pascal.thub...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello Mallory > > Many thanks for your review and comments. I agree with your constructive > points and made the proposed changes. > Please see below: > > Le lun. 7 oct. 2024 à 16:24, Mallory Knodel via Datatracker < > nore...@ietf.org> a écrit : > >> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel >> Review result: Ready with Issues >> >> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area >> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed >> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just >> like any other last call comments. >> >> For more information, please see the FAQ at >> >> <https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ >> <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__wiki.ietf.org_en_group_gen_GenArtFAQ&d=DwMFaQ&c=slrrB7dE8n7gBJbeO0g-IQ&r=krANNudPSfUTEf2kXiduBUqRjXhDsKNCASr1kibHLfs&m=q7hUfIA4fJqsCTVe3FtOIY4to1HUr6Nazi8iqSoX2ghrg7QobhR00IudYR2aU65Y&s=TEdX2rr5AwFFN8eZJOwAVZeAR-wfJJKSiwnl2slCx8o&e=> >> >. >> >> Document: draft-ietf-raw-technologies-?? >> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel >> Review Date: 2024-10-07 >> IETF LC End Date: 2024-09-18 >> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat >> >> Summary: This document is a very useful informational text about the >> requirements of reliability and availability for various uses in networks >> connected with wireless technologies. >> >> Major issues: The introduction could make it clearer to the reader how the >> technologies were chosen, if it is a complete set at the time of writing, >> and >> other revisions that indicate more clearly the purpose. I also find the >> final >> paragraph of the introduction more helpful about the document's contents >> than >> the current abstract: >> This document browses the short and middle range radio technologies >> that are suitable to provide a DetNet/RAW service over, presents the >> characteristics that RAW may leverage, and explores the applicability >> of the technologies to carry deterministic flows. The studied >> technologies are Wi-Fi 6/7, TimeSlotted Channel Hopping (TSCH), 3GPP >> 5G, and L-band Digital Aeronautical Communications System (LDACS). >> >> > Used as abstract. > > >> Minor issues: >> >> Other reviewers have also noted the slightly awkward "summary" subsection >> at >> the end of each section and my suggested approach might be to include >> this as >> the *first* paragraph for each section, before the subsections begin, eg: >> >> 4. IEEE 802.11 >> >> [Summary paragraph without subsection heading] >> >> 4.1. Provenance and Documents >> >> > done > >> ... >> >> Nits/editorial comments: (none). >> >> >> > Many thanks! > > Pascal > > > -- > Pascal >
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