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Document: draft-ietf-rtgwg-net2cloud-problem-statement-21
Reviewer: Paul Kyzivat
Review Date: 2023-03-19
IETF LC End Date: ?
IESG Telechat date: ?
Summary:
This draft is on the right track but has open issues, described in the
review.
Note: This review is limited by this reviewer's unfamiliarity with MPLS
or BGP. I strongly suggest you get a review by someone who can address
those topics.
Issues: 1
Nits: several
ISSUE (MINOR)
The intended purpose of and audience for this document isn't clear. I
infer this is primarily intended to kick off and guide further normative
standards work, and hence the audience is other IETF participants. It
would be helpful to spell this out. The abstract notes things that are
out of scope. Clarifying the audience and purpose would also help in
determining scope.
NITS:
The following is a bunch of editorial nits for you to consider:
* Section 2: s/Salesforces/Salesforce/
* Section 3.2
Something is wrong with the grammar in:
"When those failure events happen, the Cloud DC GW which is visible to
clients are running fine."
It can be fixed by s/clients are/clients is/, if that is what you mean.
* Section 3.3:
s/state of the art solutions is/state of the art solutions are/
s/load balancer by responding a FQDN/a load balancer by responding with
a FQDN/
s/Local DNS resolver become/The Local DNS resolver becomes/
* Section 3.4
The expanded definition of UPF appears with the 2nd usage. It would be
easier on the reader to move it to the first use.
* Section 3.5
The phrase "There are many aspects of security issues" is awkward.
Perhaps one of the following would be better:
- There are many aspects of security
- There are many security issues
Also a formatting issue in item (a).
* Section 3.8
The wording of the following is awkward:
"One of the concerns of using Cloud services is not aware of where the
resource is located, especially Cloud operators can move application
instances from one place to another."
I suggest:
- s/is not aware/is not being aware/
- s/especially/especially that/
* Section 4.1
s/Figure below/Figure 1 below/
In the same paragraph:
- s/workloads are accessible/workloads that are accessible/
* Section 4.3
s/used to dynamically connecting MPLS/used to dynamically connect MPLS/
s/As MPLS VPN provide/As MPLS VPNs provide/
* IdNits reports a number of other issues. I won't repeat them here.
You can run it to see them.
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