Tim, thanks for your review. Balázs, thanks for your responses. I entered a No Objection ballot.
Alissa > On Apr 28, 2020, at 5:43 PM, Tim Evens (tievens) > <tievens=40cisco....@dmarc.ietf.org> wrote: > > Thanks. > > On 4/28/20, 2:33 AM, "Balázs Varga A" <balazs.a.va...@ericsson.com> wrote: > > Hi Tim, > Thanks for the explicit suggestions, I agree that makes text clearer. > I will update the draft accordingly in the suggested format. > Cheers > Bala'zs > > -----Original Message----- > From: Tim Evens (tievens) <tiev...@cisco.com> > Sent: Tuesday, April 28, 2020 1:48 AM > To: Balázs Varga A <balazs.a.va...@ericsson.com>; gen-art@ietf.org > Cc: draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-mpls....@ietf.org; det...@ietf.org; > last-c...@ietf.org > Subject: Re: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-mpls-05 > > Hi Bala'zs, > > For the most part, great. See comments inline marked [tievens]... > > > On 4/27/20, 7:22 AM, "Balázs Varga A" <mailto:balazs.a.va...@ericsson.com> > wrote: > > Hi Tim, > Thanks for the review. Your comments will be incorporated in the next > version. > Feedbacks are inline below marked with <BV>. > Many thanks > Bala'zs > > -----Original Message----- > Subject: Genart last call review of draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-mpls-05 > > Reviewer: Tim Evens > Review result: Ready with Nits > > ... > > In Section 4.2: > > * There is reference to section 5.1.1 and 5.1.2, but those sections do not > exist in this draft. Can you clarify which draft/RFC these sections are > referring to? > <BV> Right, they are referring to > "https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-detnet-ip/";. Reference is at the > end of the sentence. > " ... IP" and "NProto" indicate the fields described in > Section 5.1.1. IP Header Information and Section 5.1.2. Other > Protocol Header Information in [I-D.ietf-detnet-ip], respectively. > > [tievens] The reference is assumed instead of being direct, such as "as > defined in Section 5.1.1 of [<draft>]" > > * "Per [I-D.ietf-detnet-mpls], the DetNet MPLS data plane uses a single > S-Label to support a single app flow. Section 5.1. DetNet IP Flow > Identification Procedures ..." > > Why is Section 5.1 referenced like this? > <BV> Again, this is referring to > "https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-detnet-ip/";. > > [tievens] the callout here is that this type of reference is on the side > of being terse, not succinct and clear as to which document this section is > belongs. Would it not be more succinct and clear as: > > "Per Section 5.1 of [I-D.ietf-detnet-mpls], the DetNet MPLS data plane > uses a single > S-Label to support a single app flow. DetNet IP Flow > Identification Procedures in Section 4.4 of [I-D.ietf-detnet-ip] > states that a > single DetNet flow is identified based on IP, and next level > protocol, header information." > ? > > * "DetNet IP Flow Identification Procedures in [I-D.ietf-detnet-ip] states > that a single DetNet flow is identified based on IP, and next level > protocol, header information. Section 4.4. Aggregation..." > > It would be more clear to specifically refer to the draft/rfc and > section. > <BV> Again, this is referring to > "https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-detnet-ip/";. > > [tievens] IMO, this would benefit from being more clear as stated above. > It doesn't add much verbosity to add "<section> of [<draft/rfc>]. > > > > > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > Gen-art@ietf.org > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list Gen-art@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
