Hi all,
Cutting and pasting below a coming out story that I came across on a
community group in facebook. I am not identifying the person, but if he is
on the list, I request him to identify himself if he is so willing. Else if
he tells me to, I shall identify him in a subsequent mail.
The reason for doing this is because this guy did the right thing in not
only coming out, but reasoning out with his mom that he did not want to get
married. I salute him for his courage and ethical stand.
_ Aditya B
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Finally did it.... there is nothing in this world that is impossible.. just
a little courage and push from within to do the things just when you want
them can get you where you want to be...so, this is how the conversation
started :
Me: mom, I have something to tell you..
Mom: (out of curiosity) what is it ?
Me: Mom, I do not want you to talk about me getting married to a girl to
anyone.
Mom: (with a weird look) why ?
Me: mom, I am not attracted to girls and I like boys..
Mom: my heart called for this a few weeks ago and was expecting this to
come from you! So this is the way you want to destroy your life ??
Me: this will not destroy my life but getting married to a girl will and
not only my life, but the girl's life as well and if you want to get me
married forcefully, then that will end up nowhere but a depressed life and
divorce..
Mom: if that is the case, then you don't have to get married ever..if you
cannot marry a "nari" then you cannot marry a "purush"- period. that's
it.!! live alone..
Me: but I am not A-Sexual, I like boys and want to get married to a guy -
(qouted her example from a previous conversation - "u need to marry & have
kids, so that there is someone to look after you when you are old.)
Mom: it cannot happen, how will two guys look after each other, both will
be old ?
Me: we can always adopt! :)
Mom: (with anger) - no this will simply not happen. you have to marry a
girl else no marriage for you!!
Me: not possible! if i fall in love with a boy, i would want to live and
raise a family with him in the long run..
Mom: (emotionally) i was born alone, lived my life alone, your father died
at an early age, you were the only hope and now you are also doing these
stuffs..i have no happiness ('sukh' - is the term she used)...
Me: I am there for you and I need you to be there for me - you are my
strength and if you reject me, then I would have nowhere to go...
Mom: I am not leaving you, but just wished you had a better life. So who is
this guy who calls you all the time..
Me: he is my frnd and he likes talking to me. :)
Mom: what's his name ? what does he do ? where does he live ? did he ask
you to speak to me about all this ?
Me: his name is *********, he is ****** by profession...he already has a bf
and he did not ask me to talk to you about this..i was trying to talk to
you about this for the last few weeks, but could not as i was afraid...
Mom: afraid of what ? why didn't u tell me when I was trying to get you
married last year - why sudden change now?
Me: I did not change, was just scared to tell you and was afraid I will
loose you :(
Mom: (with proud) I am a strong woman. I did everything on my own and
raised you after your Dad. why would you loose me?
Me: I know your anger and thought you would kill me or yourself after you
get to know about it..
Mom: Never, why would i kill the one i gave birth to and why the hell would
i kill myself..i'll die naturally and on god's will....
Me: I love you Mom and thank you so much for accepting me for who I am!
Mom: Who said I accepted you ?? I would still want you to get married to a
girl..
Me: again the same thing mom ? I cannot...there has been many instances of
people getting married due to the pressure from their parents and society
and ended nowhere...
Mom: ok, i wish you a happy life and do whatever you want to...
and then i explained her many things about being queer and also mentioned
Wajood - explained her the meaning of Wajood - now she is sleeping right
beside me as she's been for the last few months and talking normally... I
hope she will come around in the long run...
Thank you so much guys for all your wishes and support and love....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
--
--
ADITYA BONDYOPADHYAY
Development Sector Consultant
Advocate (Regd. No. F-218/192 of 1997, Bar Council of W.Bengal, India)
Website: http://adityabondyopadhyay.webs.com/
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