On Mar 2, 2023, at 10:41 AM, Jan-Frederik Rieckers <rieck...@dfn.de> wrote: > I have read section 1-3 of the current version of the RFC7170bis draft and > found a few nits:
Thanks. Unless otherwise noted, I've fixed the issues as you suggested. > Section 3.6.3: > If there is a non-fatal error handling the inner method, instead [...] > ^^^^^^^^^^^ > I had to read the whole sentence twice to understand that it > means "If there is a (non-fatal error) (handling the inner methdo)" (Brackets > indicate words belonging together) > Maybe this sentence could be adjusted (i.e. exchanging "handling" by > "processing" or inserting a word like "while handling" or "in handling") The entire sentence is huge and should be broken up into pieces: If there is a non-fatal error while running the inner method, the receiving side SHOULD NOT silently drop the inner method exchange. Instead, it SHOULD reply with an Error TLV containing the value Inner Method Error. This response is a positive indication that there was an error processing the current inner method. > Server authentication results if the peer trusts [...] > ^^^^^^^ > Maybe use a different word here? > (Same thing a few sentence further.) After some examination of this section, it needs bit more work. See also below. > mutual authentication and an Master Session Key (MSK) > ^^ > *a* Master or *an* MSK > > This whole sentence sounds weird to me and I'm not exactly sure what the text > is trying to say there. It's a long sentence. And the term "Peer Services" is confusing. Normally "Services" are services offered by an entity. In this case, "Peer services" are defined as services requested by the peer. After some rework, I've rearranged the section to be more clearer and have shorter sentences. > Maybe I'll have more nits in a few days, when I had time to read the other > sections. Thanks. I've submitted a -04 based on your review. I can submit a -05 before the deadline if you can finish your review this week. Alan DeKok. _______________________________________________ Emu mailing list Emu@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/emu
