Manoj Srivastava said: > This page was hard for me to put together (I've never written > a blurb about myself before, and couching the constitutional language > in more readable terms without introducing ambiguities was ... not > easy), and I'd appreciate any content feedback. Since I am, umm, > renowned for tranpositional typos and run on sentences, I would > appreciate any proof reading ;-) > > A preview is available at: > http://people.debian.org/%7Esrivasta/secretary.xhtml
The only bit I, as an English speaker, object to is this line: Manoj has been Project secretary since April 2001; after the previous office bearer, Darren Benham, faded away out of the Project. The phrase following the semicolon doesn't make sense on its own. The sentence looks ugly if you replace the ';' with ',' so I would suggest a partial rewrite like this: Manoj has been Project secretary since April 2001; he took up the position after the previous office bearer, Darren Benham, faded away out of the Project. Also, I'm not sure but "Current Incumbent" might be a tautology; my reading of 'incumbent' is 'person currently holding office'. So how about "Current Officebearer", "Current Secretary" or "About Our Secretary (2001 to present)"? Andrew. -- Andrew Shugg <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> http://www.neep.com.au/ "Just remember, Mr Fawlty, there's always someone worse off than yourself." "Is there? Well I'd like to meet him. I could do with a good laugh."
