2003 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.
http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2003.htm
Winner
"They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each
other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange
and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white
. . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain
American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange,
yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently."
Ms. Mariann Simms
Wetumpka, AL
Runner-Up
"The flock of geese flew overhead in a "V" formation - not in an
old-fashioned-looking Times New Roman kind of a "V", branched out slightly
at the two opposite arms at the top of the "V", nor in a more
modern-looking, straight and crisp, linear Arial sort of "V" (although since
they were flying, Arial might have been appropriate), but in a slightly
asymmetric, tilting off-to-one-side sort of italicized Courier New-like
"V" - and LaFonte knew that he was just the type of man to know the
difference."
John Dotson (U.S. Naval Officer)
Arlington, VA
Grand Panjandrum's Special Prize
"Colin grabbed the switchgear and slammed the spritely Vauxhall Vixen
into a lower gear as he screamed through the roundabout heading toward the
familiar pink rowhouse in Puking-On-The-Wold, his mind filled with the image
of his comely Olive, dressed in some lacy underthing, waiting on the couch
with only a smile and a cucumber sandwich, hoping that his lunch hour would
provide sufficient time for both a naughty little romp and a digestive
biscuit."
Randy Groom
Visalia, CA
Winner: Science Fiction
Colonel Cleatus Yorbville had been one seriously bored astronaut for the
first few months of his diplomatic mission on the third planet of the
Frangelicus XIV system, but all that had changed on the day he'd discovered
that his tiny, multipedal and infinitely hospitable alien hosts were not
only edible but tasted remarkably like that stuff that's left on the pan
after you've made cinnamon buns and burned them a little.
Mark Silcox
Auburn AL 36830
Runner-Up:
'Theeeey're here!' whispered Billy Joe under his foul breath through
yellowed teeth as brilliant white light permeated all of the windows of his
trailer, and he flashed back to fragmented recollections of the previous
four abductions--the questions, the pain, the probe--which he was powerless
to stop but this time was better prepared for, having just finished a
seventh bean burrito, a case of Bud, and four packs of Pop Rocks.
Jim Sheppeck II
Newtown, PA
Dishonorable Mentions:
She fumbled for her laser gun, knowing that the alien was eager to ravage
her, unlike Captain Johnson, who wanted to take things slow since he was
coming off the heels of a very painful divorce.
Wendy Burt
Colorado Springs, CO
Brock de-holstered his Maxi-Hurt 3000 phaser and blasted off the
Narguwullian trooper's head, the way a teenager pops the head off a zit,
except of course on a much larger scale because those Narguwullians are big
suckers, and although Brock had personally had some door stoppers in his
teenage years, most zits aren't twelve feet high, blue, and liable to rip
your arms off if you look at them the wrong way, and are also much less
inclined to leave a mess on the flight deck.
Geoff Blackwell
Bundaberg QLD Australia
xponent
Paperback Writer Maru
rob
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