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> On Feb 10, 2025, at 3:05 PM, rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org wrote:
> 
> Authors,
> 
> While reviewing this document during AUTH48, please resolve (as necessary) 
> the following questions, which are also in the XML file.
> 
> 1) <!--[rfced] Please note that the title of the document has been updated as
> follows. Abbreviations have been expanded per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC
> Style Guide"). Please review and confirm that this is how you would like
> "BRSKI-AE" to be expanded both in the title and throughout the rest of
> this document.
> 
> Original:
> BRSKI-AE: Alternative Enrollment Protocols in BRSKI
> 
> Current:
> BRSKI-AE: Bootstrapping Remote Secure Key Infrastructure with Alternative 
> Enrollment
> -->
> 
> 
> 2) <!-- [rfced] Please insert any keywords (beyond those that appear in
> the title) for use on https://www.rfc-editor.org/search. -->
> 
> 
> 3) <!-- [rfced] We have updated the text below to improve readability. Please
> review to ensure these changes do not alter your intended meaning.
> 
> Original:
>   It uses them to authenticate itself to the
>   Manufacturer Authorized Signing Authority (MASA, [RFC8995]), and
>   to the registrar, which is the access point of the target domain,
>   and to possibly further components of the domain where it will be
>   operated.
> 
> Current:
>   It uses them to authenticate itself to the
>   Manufacturer Authorized Signing Authority (MASA) [RFC8995] and the
>   registrar (which is the access point of the target domain) and to
>   possibly further components of the domain where it will be
>   operated.
> -->      
> 
> 
> 4) <!-- [rfced] Please review the following questions and changes regarding 
> the
> terminology list in Section 2:
> 
> a.) FYI - We have updated some list items to have a 1:1 relationship between
> abbreviation and expansion. Please carefully review these changes and let us
> know of any objections.
> 
> b.) As this list contains a mixture of definitions and abbreviations, may we
> separate these items into two separate lists for readability?
> 
> c.) We note that several abbreviations appear in this document that are not
> included in the terminology list in Section 2 (see some examples
> below). Please review and let us know if these or any other terms should be
> added.
> 
> (Note that we have already added a list item for Certification Authority (CA)
> as this abbreviation appears in other definitions in this list.)
> 
> Key Encapsulation Mechanism (KEM)
> Certificate Request Message Format (CRMF)
> Simple Certificate Enrolment Protocol (SCEP)
> Certificate Management over CMS (CMC)
> Autonomic Control Plane (ACP)
> -->
> 
> 
> 5) <!-- [rfced] May we clarify the content in the parenthetical text below?
> 
> Original:
>   Binding a certificate signing request (CSR) to an existing
>   authenticated credential (the BRSKI context, the IDevID certificate)
>   enables proof of origin...
> 
> Perhaps:
>   Binding a Certificate Signing Request (CSR) to an existing
>   authenticated credential (such as the BRSKI context or the IDevID 
> certificate)
>   enables proof of origin...
> -->
> 
> 
> 6) <!-- [rfced] FYI - For ease of the reader, we have broken up the following
> sentences below into two. Please let us know any objections.
> 
> Original:
>   What the registrar needs to do is to authenticate and pre-authorize the
>   pledge and to indicate this to the (second) RA by signing the forwarded
>   certification request with its private key and a related certificate
>   that has the id-kp- cmcRA extended key usage attribute.
>   ...
>   It will recognize whether the protocol
>   it uses and the specific request it wants to perform are understood
>   and supported by the domain registrar by sending the request to the
>   respective endpoint according to the above addressing scheme and then
>   evaluating the HTTP status code of the response.
> 
> Current:
>   What the registrar needs to do is authenticate and pre-authorize the
>   pledge and indicate this to the (second) RA.  This is done by signing the
>   forwarded certification request with its private key and a related 
> certificate
>   that has the id-kp-cmcRA extended key usage attribute.
>   ...
>   It will recognize whether the protocol
>   it uses and the specific request it wants to perform are understood
>   and supported by the domain registrar.  This is done by sending the
>   request to the respective endpoint according to the above addressing
>   scheme and then evaluating the HTTP status code of the response.     
> -->
> 
> 
> 7) <!--[rfced] To avoid the awkward hyphenation of "PKCS #10-formatted CSRs",
> may we update the text as follows?
> 
> Original:
>   [RFC7030], Section 2.5 sketches wrapping PKCS #10-formatted CSRs
>   with a Full PKI Request message sent to the "/fullcmc" endpoint.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   [RFC7030], Section 2.5 sketches wrapping CSRs formatted per PKCS #10
>   with a Full PKI Request message sent to the "/fullcmc" endpoint.
> -->      
> 
> 
> 8) <!-- [rfced] We note the use of "FullCMCRequest" in the following sentence;
> however, RFC 7030 uses the term "Full CMC Request". May we update this
> instance for consistency with RFC 7030?
> 
> Original:
>   The proof of identity can be provided as part of a FullCMCRequest, based on
>   CMS [RFC5652] and signed with an existing IDevID secret.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   The proof of identity can be provided as part of a Full CMC Request based on
>   CMS [RFC5652] and signed with an existing IDevID secret.
> -->
> 
> 
> 9) <!-- [rfced] In the sentence below, may we update "follows" for clarity?
> 
> Original:
>      Note: From the definition of the interaction with the MASA in
>      [RFC8995], Section 5 follows that it may be synchronous (using
>      voucher request with nonces) or asynchronous (using nonceless
>      voucher requests).
> 
> Perhaps:
>      Note: From the definition of the interaction with the MASA in
>      Section 5 of [RFC8995], it may be synchronous (using
>      voucher requests with nonces) or asynchronous (using nonceless
>      voucher requests).
> -->
> 
> 
> 10) <!-- [rfced] How may we clarify what "as not already done" and "it" refer 
> to
> in the text below?
> 
> Original:
>   *  RA: performs centralized certificate management functions as a
>      public-key infrastructure for the domain operator.  As far as not
>      already done by the domain registrar, it performs the final
>      validation and authorization of certification requests.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   *  RA: This performs centralized certificate management functions as a
>      public-key infrastructure for the domain operator.  As far as what is
>      not already done by the domain registrar, the RA performs the final
>      validation and authorization of certification requests.
> -->
> 
> 
> 11) <!-- [rfced] Throughout this document, we note that RFCs 8895 and 9483 are
> often referred to with shortened titles or nicknames such as "BRSKI" and
> "LCMPP", respectively.
> 
> For clarity, because these names also represent protocols, we plan to update
> these document nicknames to just their RFC number (in order to help the reader
> distinguish between the RFC itself and the protocol). Please see some examples
> below and let us know any objections.
> 
> Originals:
>   In this document, references to CMP follow the Lightweight CMP
>   Profile (LCMPP) [RFC9483] rather than [RFC4210] and [RFC9480], as the
>   subset of CMP defined in LCMPP sufficiently meets the required
>   functionality.
> 
>   *  MASA: functionality as described in BRSKI [RFC8995].  The voucher
>      exchange with the MASA via the domain registrar is performed as
>      described in BRSKI.
> 
>   *  Ownership tracker: This is as defined in BRSKI.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   In this document, references to CMP follow [RFC9483] rather than
>   [RFC4210] and [RFC9480], as the subset of CMP defined in [RFC9483]
>   sufficiently meets the required functionality.
> 
>   *  MASA: This has the functionality as described in [RFC8995].
>      The voucher exchange with the MASA via the domain registrar is
>      performed as described in [RFC8995].
> 
>   *  Ownership Tracker: This is as defined in [RFC8995].
> -->
> 
> 
> 12) <!-- [rfced] In Section 4.1, should "Discovery phase" and "Identification 
> phase"
> be updated to "Discover phase" and "Identity phase", respectively, to better
> match the figure from Section 2.1 of RFC 8995?
> 
> Original:
>   Based on the diagram in BRSKI [RFC8995], Section 2.1 and the
>   architectural changes, the original protocol flow is divided into
>   several phases showing commonalities and differences to the original
>   approach as follows.
> 
>   *  Discovery phase: mostly as in BRSKI step (1).  For details see
>      Section 4.2.1.
> 
>   *  Identification phase: same as in BRSKI step (2).
> 
> Perhaps:
>   Based on the diagram in [RFC8995], Section 2.1 and the
>   architectural changes, the original protocol flow is divided into
>   several phases showing commonalities and differences to the original
>   approach as follows.
> 
>   *  Discover phase: This is mostly as in step (1) of [RFC8995].  For
>      details see Section 4.2.1.
> 
>   *  Identity phase: This is the same as in step (2) of [RFC8995].
> -->
> 
> 
> 13) <!--[rfced] To improve the readability of the following sentence, may we 
> update
> it as follows?
> 
> Original:
>   For transporting the certificate enrollment request and response
>   messages, the (D)TLS channel established between pledge and
>   registrar is REQUIRED to use.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   It is REQUIRED to use the (D)TLS channel established between the
>   pledge and registrar to transport the certificate enrollment request
>   and response messages.
> -->      
> 
> 
> 14) <!-- [rfced] Should "options applicable" be updated to "applicable 
> options"
> in the text below?
> 
> Original:
>   Section 5 discusses selected suitable enrollment protocols and options
>   applicable.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   Section 5 discusses selected suitable enrollment protocols and applicable
>   options.
> -->
> 
> 
> 15) <!-- [rfced] As this sentence begins Section 4.2.4, may we clarify what
> "This" refers to?
> 
> Additionally, may we make a similar update in Appendix A.5?
> 
> Original:
> 4.2.4.  Pledge - Registrar - RA/CA Certificate Enrollment
> 
>   This replaces the EST integration for PKI bootstrapping described in
>   [RFC8995], Section 5.9 (while [RFC8995], Section 5.9.4 remains as the
>   final phase, see below).
> ...
> A.5.  Infrastructure Isolation Policy
> 
>   This refers to any case in which network infrastructure is normally
>   isolated from the Internet as a matter of policy, most likely for
>   security reasons.
> 
> Perhaps:
> 4.2.4.  Pledge - Registrar - RA/CA Certificate Enrollment
> 
>    RA/CA certificate enrollment replaces the EST integration for PKI
>    bootstrapping described in Section 5.9 of [RFC8995] (while Section 5.9.4
>    of [RFC8995] remains as the final phase; see below).
> ...
> A.5.  Infrastructure Isolation Policy
> 
>   The infrastructure isolation policy refers to any case in which...    
> -->
> 
> 
> 16) <!-- [rfced] To improve readability, may we update the list below as 
> follows?
> 
> Original:
>   They include the application scenario, the capabilities of the registrar
>   and of the local RA possibly co-located with the registrar, the enrollment
>   protocol being used, and the specific contents of the request.
> 
> Perhaps:
>   They include the application scenario, the capabilities of the registrar,
>   the capabilities of the local RA possibly co-located with the registrar,
>   the enrollment protocol being used, and the specific contents of the
>   request.
> -->
> 
> 
> 17) <!--[rfced] Should the following artwork element be reformatted as
> a bulleted list, per text from the preceding paragraph?
> 
> Original:
>   The following list of endpoints provides an illustrative example of a
>   domain registrar supporting several options for EST as well as for
>   CMP to be used in BRSKI-AE.
>   ...
>     /.well-known/brski/voucherrequest
>     /.well-known/brski/voucher_status
>     /.well-known/brski/enrollstatus
>     /.well-known/est/cacerts
>     /.well-known/est/csrattrs
>     /.well-known/est/fullcmc
>     /.well-known/cmp/getcacerts
>     /.well-known/cmp/getcertreqtemplate
>     /.well-known/cmp/initialization
>     /.well-known/cmp/pkcs10
> -->
> 
> 
> 18) <!-- [rfced] Formatting and XML:
> 
> a.) There are several author comments present in the XML. Please
> review and confirm that none of these comments still need to be
> addressed. Note that the comments will be deleted prior to
> publication. 
> 
> 
> b.) Please review whether any of the notes in this document
> should be in the <aside> element. It is defined as "a container for 
> content that is semantically less important or tangential to the 
> content that surrounds it" 
> (https://authors.ietf.org/en/rfcxml-vocabulary#aside).
> 
> 
> c.) We note the following different uses regarding this document's use of <tt>
> styling and quotation marks. In the HTML and PDF outputs, the text enclosed in
> <tt> is output in fixed-width font. In the txt output, there are no changes to
> the font. Please review carefully and let us know if any updates should be 
> made
> for consistency:
> 
> the <tt>caPubs</tt> field
> the acp-node-name field  (no quotes or <tt> styling)
> 
> <tt>"brski-reg-cmp"</tt>
> brski-reg-cmp (no quotes or <tt> styling)
> 
> <tt>"brski-registrar"</tt>
> <tt>"/.well-known/est/simpleenroll"</tt>
> <tt>"/.well-known/&lt;enrollment-protocol&gt;/&lt;request&gt;"</tt>
> <tt>"/fullcmc"</tt> endpoint
> <tt>"/simpleenroll"</tt> endpoint
> 
> '<tt>est</tt>'
> '<tt>cmp</tt>'
> 
> <tt>&lt;enrollment-protocol&gt;</tt>
> <tt>&lt;request&gt;</tt>
> The label <tt>[OPTIONAL forwarding]</tt>
> 
> 'renewal' option
> "tls-unique" value
> the tls-unique value (no quotes)
> -->
> 
> 
> 19) <!-- [rfced] Abbreviations:
> 
> a.) FYI - We have updated the expansion of LDevID throughout the document
> as follows. Please review and let us know of any objections.
> 
> Original:
>   Locally significant Device IDentifier (LDevID)
> 
> Current:
>   Local Device Identifier (LDevID)
> 
> 
> b.) We note the following expanded forms of "PKI" are used after the
> abbreviation is introduced. May we update these instances below to the
> abbreviation?
> 
> Public-Key Infrastructure
> public-key infrastructure
> 
> 
> c.) May we update instances of "local RA" to the abbreviation "LRA"?
> 
> 
> d.) FYI - We have added expansions for abbreviations upon first use
> per Section 3.6 of RFC 7322 ("RFC Style Guide"). Please review each
> expansion in the document carefully to ensure correctness.
> 
> Autonomic Control Plane (ACP)
> Certificate Management over CMS (CMC)
> Cryptographic Message Syntax (CMS)
> Constrained Application Protocol (CoAP)
> Simple Certificate Enrollment Protocol (SCEP)
> -->
> 
> 
> 20) <!-- [rfced] Please review the following changes and questions we have
> regarding the References section:
> 
> a.) [UNISIG-Subset-137] 
> 
> The provided URL returns the message: "The requested page could not be found."
> We found the following URL from the European Union Agency for Railways (ERA)
> website, which matches the specification described in this reference, but it
> is a more up-to-date version from May 2023. Would you like to use this version
> and URL instead?
> 
> <https://www.era.europa.eu/system/files/2023-09/index083_-_SUBSET-137_v400.pdf>
> 
> Current:
>   [UNISIG-Subset-137]
>              UNISIG, "ERTMS/ETCS On-line Key Management FFFIS", Subset-
>              137, Version 1.0.0, December 2015,
>              <https://www.era.europa.eu/sites/default/files/filesystem/
>              ertms/ccs_tsi_annex_a_-_mandatory_specifications/
>              set_of_specifications_3_etcs_b3_r2_gsm-r_b1/index083_-
>              _subset-137_v100.pdf>.
> 
> 
> b.) [BRSKI-AE-OVERVIEW] 
> 
> FYI - We have removed the text below from the <annotation> element in this
> reference. If you would like to include this note, we recommend placing it in
> the document where this reference is cited (rather than in the references
> section).
> 
>   "Graphics on slide 4 of the status update on the BRSKI-AE draft 04 at IETF 
> 116."
> 
> 
> c.) [IEC-62351-9]
> 
> Would you like to update to the newest version of this reference? The cited
> version of this reference has been withdrawn. In addition, this version of the
> document references the SCEP Internet-Draft rather than RFC 8894 (SCEP). RFC
> 8894 is cited in the 2023 version.
> 
> Current:
>   [IEC-62351-9]
>              International Electrotechnical Commission, "Power systems
>              management and associated information exchange - Data and
>              communications security - Part 9: Cyber security key
>              management for power system equipment", IEC 62351-9:2017,
>              May 2017, <https://webstore.iec.ch/en/publication/30287>.
> 
> -->
> 
> 
> 21) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online 
> Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
> and let us know if any changes are needed.  Updates of this nature typically
> result in more precise language, which is helpful for readers.
> 
> Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should 
> still be reviewed as a best practice. -->
> 
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> RFC Editor/kf/ap
> 
> 
> On Feb 10, 2025, at 3:04 PM, rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org wrote:
> 
> *****IMPORTANT*****
> 
> Updated 2025/02/10
> 
> RFC Author(s):
> --------------
> 
> Instructions for Completing AUTH48
> 
> Your document has now entered AUTH48.  Once it has been reviewed and 
> approved by you and all coauthors, it will be published as an RFC.  
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> 
> Files 
> -----
> 
> The files are available here:
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733.xml
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733.html
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733.pdf
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733.txt
> 
> Diff file of the text:
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733-diff.html
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733-rfcdiff.html (side by side)
> 
> Diff of the XML: 
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9733-xmldiff1.html
> 
> 
> Tracking progress
> -----------------
> 
> The details of the AUTH48 status of your document are here:
>   https://www.rfc-editor.org/auth48/rfc9733
> 
> Please let us know if you have any questions.  
> 
> Thank you for your cooperation,
> 
> RFC Editor
> 
> --------------------------------------
> RFC9733 (draft-ietf-anima-brski-ae-13)
> 
> Title            : BRSKI-AE: Alternative Enrollment Protocols in BRSKI
> Author(s)        : D. von Oheimb, S. Fries, H. Brockhaus
> WG Chair(s)      : Toerless Eckert, Sheng Jiang
> 
> Area Director(s) : Warren Kumari, Mahesh Jethanandani
> 
> 

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