Dear Lars Eggert. Thanks for your valuable comments and sorry for the late response.
To resolve your comments, I updated the draft as an attached file. Because there are lots of comments, I used an excel file to resolve comments. And, I submitted the revision draft based on your comments. https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-15.html It is appreciated to check again and let me know any missing points. Best regards. Yong-Geun. 2022년 12월 12일 (월) 오후 9:07, Lars Eggert via Datatracker <nore...@ietf.org>님이 작성: > Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for > draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-14: No Record > > When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all > email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this > introductory paragraph, however.) > > > Please refer to > https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ > for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. > > > The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: > https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases/ > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > COMMENT: > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-14 > > CC @larseggert > > Thanks to Peter E. Yee for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review > (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/6HVrWkU6KnjgzrFF5ITZGBqsDBA > ). > > ## Comments > > ### Section 9, paragraph 8 > ``` > [IEEE802154] > IEEE standard for Information Technology, "IEEE Standard > for Low-Rate Wireless Networks". > ``` > No URL or other metadata? > > ### Inclusive language > > Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see > https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and > more > guidance: > > * Term `master`; alternatives might be `active`, `central`, `initiator`, > `leader`, `main`, `orchestrator`, `parent`, `primary`, `server` > * Term `slave`; alternatives might be `follower`, `peripheral`, `replica`, > `responder`, `secondary`, `standby`, `worker` > * Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`, > `common`, > `conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`, > `long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`, > `time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread` > * Term `native`; alternatives might be `built-in`, `fundamental`, > `ingrained`, > `intrinsic`, `original` > * Term `blinds`; alternatives might be `visually impaired`, `unmindful > of`, > `unconcerned about`, `negligent of`, `unaware`, `uncomprehending`, > `unaware`, `uncritical`, `unthinking`, `hasty`, `blocked`, `opaque` > > ## Nits > > All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may > choose to > address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by > automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so > there > will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what > you > did with these suggestions. > > ### Outdated references > > Document references `draft-ietf-6lo-nfc-18`, but `-19` is the latest > available > revision. > > ### URLs > > These URLs in the document did not return content: > > * https://standards.ieee.org/findstds/standard/1901.2-2013.html > * http://www.g3-plc.com/home/ > * http://groups.homeplug.org/tech/Netricity > > These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS: > > * > http://www.techstreet.com/ashrae/standards/ashrae-135-2016?product_id=1918140#jumps > * http://www.wi-sun.org > > ### Grammar/style > > #### Section 5.2, paragraph 3 > ``` > w-cost, multi-drop field bus to inter connect the most numerous elements > (sen > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > ``` > This word is normally spelled as one. > > #### Section 5.3, paragraph 1 > ``` > infrastructure, and thus it falls outside of the constrained node network > sco > ^^^^^^^^^^ > ``` > This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside". > > #### Section 5.6, paragraph 2 > ``` > ove. Note that NFC is often considered to offer intrinsic security > propertie > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > ``` > The verb "considered" is used with the gerund form. > > #### Section 7, paragraph 2 > ``` > ommunication Union, "Short range narrow-band digital radiocommunication > trans > ^^^^^^^^^^^ > ``` > This word is normally spelled as one. > > ## Notes > > This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use > the > [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into > individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT]. > > [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md > [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments > [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool > > > >
6.comment_resolution(Lars Eggert).xlsx
Description: MS-Excel 2007 spreadsheet
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