Lars Eggert has entered the following ballot position for draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-14: No Record
When responding, please keep the subject line intact and reply to all email addresses included in the To and CC lines. (Feel free to cut this introductory paragraph, however.) Please refer to https://www.ietf.org/about/groups/iesg/statements/handling-ballot-positions/ for more information about how to handle DISCUSS and COMMENT positions. The document, along with other ballot positions, can be found here: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- COMMENT: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- # GEN AD review of draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-14 CC @larseggert Thanks to Peter E. Yee for the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) review (https://mailarchive.ietf.org/arch/msg/gen-art/6HVrWkU6KnjgzrFF5ITZGBqsDBA). ## Comments ### Section 9, paragraph 8 ``` [IEEE802154] IEEE standard for Information Technology, "IEEE Standard for Low-Rate Wireless Networks". ``` No URL or other metadata? ### Inclusive language Found terminology that should be reviewed for inclusivity; see https://www.rfc-editor.org/part2/#inclusive_language for background and more guidance: * Term `master`; alternatives might be `active`, `central`, `initiator`, `leader`, `main`, `orchestrator`, `parent`, `primary`, `server` * Term `slave`; alternatives might be `follower`, `peripheral`, `replica`, `responder`, `secondary`, `standby`, `worker` * Term `traditional`; alternatives might be `classic`, `classical`, `common`, `conventional`, `customary`, `fixed`, `habitual`, `historic`, `long-established`, `popular`, `prescribed`, `regular`, `rooted`, `time-honored`, `universal`, `widely used`, `widespread` * Term `native`; alternatives might be `built-in`, `fundamental`, `ingrained`, `intrinsic`, `original` * Term `blinds`; alternatives might be `visually impaired`, `unmindful of`, `unconcerned about`, `negligent of`, `unaware`, `uncomprehending`, `unaware`, `uncritical`, `unthinking`, `hasty`, `blocked`, `opaque` ## Nits All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you did with these suggestions. ### Outdated references Document references `draft-ietf-6lo-nfc-18`, but `-19` is the latest available revision. ### URLs These URLs in the document did not return content: * https://standards.ieee.org/findstds/standard/1901.2-2013.html * http://www.g3-plc.com/home/ * http://groups.homeplug.org/tech/Netricity These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS: * http://www.techstreet.com/ashrae/standards/ashrae-135-2016?product_id=1918140#jumps * http://www.wi-sun.org ### Grammar/style #### Section 5.2, paragraph 3 ``` w-cost, multi-drop field bus to inter connect the most numerous elements (sen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` This word is normally spelled as one. #### Section 5.3, paragraph 1 ``` infrastructure, and thus it falls outside of the constrained node network sco ^^^^^^^^^^ ``` This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside". #### Section 5.6, paragraph 2 ``` ove. Note that NFC is often considered to offer intrinsic security propertie ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` The verb "considered" is used with the gerund form. #### Section 7, paragraph 2 ``` ommunication Union, "Short range narrow-band digital radiocommunication trans ^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` This word is normally spelled as one. ## Notes This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF], You can use the [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT]. [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool _______________________________________________ 6lo mailing list 6lo@ietf.org https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/6lo
