Some light reading for the weekend... Stephen Michael Kellat Point of Contact/Leader, Ubuntu Ohio
Begin forwarded message: Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 16:10:12 -0500 From: oracle-requ...@cs.indiana.edu To: oracle-l...@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1523 === 1523 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1523 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinz...@cs.indiana.edu> Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 16:10:01 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to ora...@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-v...@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1523 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1518 21 votes 27633 34680 56631 44652 28623 13854 23862 36741 16b30 86412 1518 2.8 mean 2.9 2.9 2.5 2.9 2.8 3.4 3.1 2.7 2.8 2.2 --- 1523-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What do you say to someone whose stalking you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "Wanna come in?" Oh wait, I thought the question was, "What's the last } thing you'll say to someone stalking you." --- 1523-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh dear. I'm sorry for breaking your, um, whatever it was. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } My bad. Maybe we should make a TV show out of it. --- 1523-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew <twc...@mindspring.com> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The Riddle Troll never gives up! (Even though he should have by > now, and cannot succeed in the end, anyway.) And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hint? --- 1523-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmc...@csusb.edu> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Order! I need order! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } OK. } I'm ordering scallops, New York strip and Tirimasu. --- 1523-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Does anyone really like those riddles? I've had no real evidence so > far. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hint: --- 1523-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave <lightincha...@gmail.com> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You are completely misunderstanding what empty threats are all about. --- 1523-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrenc...@osu.edu> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I wasn't expecting that! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, } SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, } SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, } SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM. } } No one expects the spammish repetition. --- 1523-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" <lawrenc...@osu.edu> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Care to fill me in on the details? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Glad you asked. This project has a seven pillars, each composed of } twenty-three layers, with two year Gantt charts showing dependencies } within each layer. There are two main problems you need to fix here. } Firstly, all of the intra-layer and intra-pillar dependencies have } not been accounted for in the current Gantt charts. Secondly two } years is far too long for this project. It's supposed to be done } already and the drop dead (ha ha ha) date is about a month away, so } you'll need to find a way to trim the schedule without removing any } features. You'll find all of the project files in a box headed your } way. You do have a place for the 45' high cube shipping container, } right? I'll let you keep it on the trailer for now. } } I'm so pleased you volunteered to help with "any website problems" } that came my way. The American People are eagerly awaiting this new } health care web portal. --- 1523-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe <x...@chanticleer.com> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Who, me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, not this time. There has been a system error, and the application } will have to close. Any work that you have not saved will be lost. A } new instantiation of your person will be required. Press STOP to start. --- 1523-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmc...@csusb.edu> The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is it true that some of the best incarnations are mentally ill, but > in a good way? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The best ones do as they are told, and neither avoid the task nor } invent material that makes me look stupid. As you guessed, all } incarnations are mental. Some are certifiably mental, and thus have an } inside track on picking up the subtle nuances in my tone of voice when } I dictate material to them. } } If you ever get the opportunity to serve as an incarnation yourself, } look on your wall to see if you have a certificate of certification. } (Sometimes it will resemble a photograph of your grandfather.) Gaze at } it, mumble to yourself, and avoid typing the dreaded phrase, "How } Should I Know?" that indicates abysmal failure in the Incarnation Game. } Seek opportunities to display your correct rendition of my thoughts } concerning the usual topics, including bagpipes, Milton Berle, Zadoc, } pigeons (including Tom Lehrer), and anything having to do with MAD } Magazine. Other unexpected "usual" topics will spout from my mind } occasionally. Oh, and always (as in ALWAYS) beware thoughts that might } seep in from my dreaded cousin the Boracle. _______________________________________________ Mailing list: https://launchpad.net/~ubuntu-us-ohio Post to : ubuntu-us-ohio@lists.launchpad.net Unsubscribe : https://launchpad.net/~ubuntu-us-ohio More help : https://help.launchpad.net/ListHelp
