For crying out loud.

Description for the file: ubuntu-12.04.2-desktop-i386.iso

"PC (Intel x86) desktop CD
    For almost all PCs. This includes most machines with Intel/AMD/etc type 
processors and almost all computers that run Microsoft Windows, as well as 
newer Apple Macintosh systems based on Intel processors. Choose this if you are 
at all unsure."
http://releases.ubuntu.com/precise/

Good. So: download, burn, install. The installer says, this kernel
doesn't work with your machine because it needs PAE support. Needs what?
What the hell is PAE anyway? Do I need to know? I've got work to do.
Must I really learn about the fine points of microprocessor
architectures just to fix this broken Ubuntu upgrade? I'm not sure my
sanity will last that long. I've got one day off before I have to get to
work. I need to eat some lunch. Oh, Jesus. What the hell do I do now?
Got save me from the forums. Please, not the forums. I'll be here all
night again.

Ah look here. It's only, what, three days since I accepted Ubuntu's
offer of an upgrade:

"The Ubuntu 12.04 installation image does not include support for old computers 
that do not support PAE. If your computer is affected, you can either first 
install Ubuntu 10.04 or 11.10 and upgrade to 12.04 or you can use the Lubuntu 
or Xubuntu images. The non-PAE version of the Linux kernel will be dropped 
completely following the 12.04 release. "
https://wiki.ubuntu.com/PrecisePangolin/ReleaseNotes/UbuntuDesktop

Yeah, well I know that now don't I? But what am I supposed to do now?

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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1168866

Title:
  upgrade could not install linux image

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