Indeed, it was even on TV around here, but they said it happened on the shiny new operational airport, the Berlin-Brandenburg International ...
Daniel On 01.04.17 07:02, Alex Balashov wrote: > (Filed by UC Celeb Talk - 1 Apr 2017.) > > BERLIN (Tegel), GERMANY--In the now-infamous breakdown episode on the > VIP tarmac at Berlin's Tegel Airport, Alex Balashov shocked the IP > telecoms celebrity world last month. > > Shielding his eyes from the punishingly bright daylight of an overcast > day in northern Germany, Balashov climbed out of his Gulfstream G650 > jet, clutching a half-finished bottle of Woodford Reserve, and announced > his sudden retirement from the "fast life" of open-source SIP consulting > to a waiting gathering of techn business reporters. > > "I'm not with this 'live fast, die young' VoIP s*** anymore," he > reportedly shouted, before collapsing and vomiting profusely on the red > carpet. > > UC Celeb Talk's own Benjamin Brant sat down with Balashov in an > exclusive interview to learn more about what happened, even as the > telecoms industry continues to digest the shock meltdown. > > -- > > BRANT: Everyone's dying to know, what was going through you head at that > moment? > > BALASHOV: Funny how you mention dying. I want to live to see 35, man. I > can't handle the SIP biz anymore. > > BRANT: What do you mean? You seemed to have all the makings of an > open-source SIP superstar. > > BALASHOV: I can't keep up with the drinks anymore, the three day-long > parties, the paparazzi, always watchin' my back at ClueCon... > > BRANT: When'd you realise it might be time to call it? > > BALASHOV: I'll tell you when. It was Kamailio World '16. Man, those > vodka + Club Mate drinks they pour down at Fokus are something else. > They'll really get you thinking about things. > > BRANT: So you had a cocktail and thought better of your entire life as a > SIP celebrity? The fans, the adulation, the glory? > > BALASHOV: When you wake up at 3 PM at the Park Inn on Alexanderplatz > with a $31,000 room service bill on your AMEX, a goat wandering around, > and reporters in your face, you tell me with a straight face you're not > gonna take stock of your life and make some changes. > > BRANT: That really happened? > > BALASHOV: That's what I'm trying to tell you! That's Kamailio World, > dude. That's the SIP software engineering culture. You wanna ITSP and > WebRTC? You're gonna have to bro down! > > BRANT: Surely not everywhere. What about the IETF? > > BALASHOV: Those guys drink more than ANYONE. Have you seen the SIP > Outbound RFC? > > BRANT: That's the work-product of an alcohol-fuelled creative orgy? > > BALASHOV: It's the work product of something-something. I don't know if > I'm allowed to identify the uh, substance in question. > > BRANT: How are you going to live without the private jet? If I had a G6, > I wouldn't just turn over the keys. > > BALASHOV: Yeah, I mean, open-source VoIP consulting has its upsides. > It's a fine way to make a living. But it's just not worth it. Besides, > hourly operating costs are through the roof. > > BRANT: But you were an icon, and quite a ladies' man too! How do you > walk away from that? > > BALASHOV: Look man, of course women are gonna mob you when you're a SIP > consulting star. That's just part of the open-source tech life in > general. > > But it's fake, man. They don't love you. They don't want to know who you > are inside. They just want you 'cause you know all about the SIP > transaction state machine, loose vs. strict routing, cross-compiling > Kamailio. They just got a crush on you 'cause you know presence and > parallel forking race conditions. I want something real. > > BRANT: But that's part of the social bargain of being an open-source SIP > celebrity. Didn't you once boast of having uh, lady friends, "in > different geographic and non-geographic operator codes"? > > BALASHOV: Yeah, and that's cool, but I want to come home to a woman who > loves me for me, not Mr. 3... > > ... 02, Moved Temporarily, but not happy necessarily. Feel me? > > BRANT: What happened at ClueCon? > > BALASHOV: You talking about the bullets Acme Packet ventilated me with? > > BRANT: Five of them, as I heard. > > BALASHOV: Well I'm still standin'. Took those shots and smiled. > > BRANT: I know you guys have a kind of omertà about this stuff, but I've > got to ask: why? > > BALASHOV: I ain't worried, kids growing up in today's world need to > learn the truth. > > They act like I was dealing transcoding licences on their block. O.G. 729. > > BRANT: But that wasn't what gave you a wake-up call that the SIP game is > sharper than a razor blade? > > BALASHOV: Hell no, it wasn't their block. That fake-ass east coast > channel partner crew can cash me outside howboudah? > > BRANT: How exclusive is Kamailio World? > > BALASHOV: It's one of the most exclusive clubs I've ever hit up. Lines > wrapping around blocks. And the bouncers. Damn. > > BRANT: The bouncers? > > BALASHOV: Those dudes are harsh. > > BRANT: On a scale of 1 to Berghain, how bad is it? > > BALASHOV: All I know is, one time some squirrely guy in the audience > asked a moderately new-blood question like, "If a Record-Route header > has been added by an intermediate proxy, is it proper of a SIP User > Agent to populate the Request URI of subsequent in-dialog requests with > the Record-Route URI, or should it be the remote Contact?" > > Half the room got up like it was ready to curb-stomp that little face. > Guy didn't know what he got himself into--a room full of elites. > > BRANT: So what happened? > > BALASHOV: Someone was like, "Bounce this fool! He don't know how to > act." > > So these three muscular Kaiser Wilhelm-looking dudes--moustaches and > all--in sunglasses roll up and drag this guy through the Atrium, out the > doors and dump him straight out onto Anna-Louisa-Karsch-Straße. > > BRANT: Damn. Ejected out of the saloon. > > BALASHOV: Yo, that dude was dismissed from the premises. > > BRANT: So what do you see in your future post-SIP life? > > BALASHOV: I'm thinking about starting a bakery. A friend threw it out > there as a way to kind of atone for all this and get straight with > Jesus. Gonna bake really big cookies. You know, huge ones, like a small > pizzas? But recognise--they're actually cookies. > > BRANT: Got any advice for those who bright young upstarts who haven't > turned over a new leaf and thrown in the towel yet? > > BALASHOV: Come on down to Kamailio World #5, May 8-10 2017 in Berlin. > You'll see your life in a new way. > > Registration and more information online at > https://www.kamailioworld.com/k05/ > > _______________________________________________ > SIP Express Router (SER) and Kamailio (OpenSER) - sr-users mailing list > sr-users@lists.sip-router.org > http://lists.sip-router.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/sr-users -- Daniel-Constantin Mierla www.twitter.com/miconda -- www.linkedin.com/in/miconda Kamailio Advanced Training - May 22-24 (USA) - www.asipto.com Kamailio World Conference - May 8-10, 2017 - www.kamailioworld.com _______________________________________________ SIP Express Router (SER) and Kamailio (OpenSER) - sr-users mailing list sr-users@lists.sip-router.org http://lists.sip-router.org/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/sr-users
