I answered my own question! It now works for me! Thanks, everyone!
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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1365695
Title:
No longer able to use GUI after update
To manage notifications about
I'm on Utopic, and have been having this problem for ages. Just to
confirm, I can't take the hold off ubuntu-drivers-common without
breaking everything, right?`
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I can confirm that sudo dselect update fixes the problem for me, too.
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https://bugs.launchpad.net/bugs/1232661
Title:
dpkg --set-selections : dpkg: warning: package not in database
To