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<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
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Document: draft-ietf-rtgwg-net2cloud-problem-statement-21
Reviewer: Paul Kyzivat
Review Date: 2023-03-22
IETF LC End Date: ?
IESG Telechat date: ?
Summary:
This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that should
be fixed before publication.
Note: This review is limited by this reviewer's unfamiliarity with MPLS
or BGP. I strongly suggest you get a review by someone who can address
those topics.
Issues: 0
Nits: several
NITS:
The following is a bunch of editorial nits for you to consider:
* Section 2: s/Salesforces/Salesforce/
* Section 3.2
Something is wrong with the grammar in:
"When those failure events happen, the Cloud DC GW which is visible to
clients are running fine."
It can be fixed by s/clients are/clients is/, if that is what you mean.
* Section 3.3:
s/state of the art solutions is/state of the art solutions are/
s/load balancer by responding a FQDN/a load balancer by responding with
a FQDN/
s/Local DNS resolver become/The Local DNS resolver becomes/
* Section 3.4
The expanded definition of UPF appears with the 2nd usage. It would be
easier on the reader to move it to the first use.
* Section 3.5
The phrase "There are many aspects of security issues" is awkward.
Perhaps one of the following would be better:
- There are many aspects of security
- There are many security issues
Also a formatting issue in item (a).
* Section 3.8
The wording of the following is awkward:
"One of the concerns of using Cloud services is not aware of where the
resource is located, especially Cloud operators can move application
instances from one place to another."
I suggest:
- s/is not aware/is not being aware/
- s/especially/especially that/
* Section 4.1
s/Figure below/Figure 1 below/
In the same paragraph:
- s/workloads are accessible/workloads that are accessible/
* Section 4.3
s/used to dynamically connecting MPLS/used to dynamically connect MPLS/
s/As MPLS VPN provide/As MPLS VPNs provide/
* IdNits reports a number of other issues. I won't repeat them here.
You can run it to see them.
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