The day I saw that about Seth, I was in the middle of planning/packing for 
vacation, camping at the beach; it was an extremely busy couple of days, 
trying to get "caught up ahead" at work so I wouldn't be too far behind 
once I got back, locating the last bits of stowed gear, 
inspecting/replacing things as needed; and then I was gone for the first 
week.  I did get a pic or two snapped and posted on Facebook while I was 
gone, but was only trying to skim the digests in my email via phone, but 
ended up being sporadic/haphazard.   As soon as we got back, I turned 
around and took my son down for college orientation, and was gone a few 
more days. A sister-in-law from out-of-town has been in visiting, so I've 
spent several days at the inlaws', and am just now trying to "settle back 
down".  

Just before we left, Steve emailed me, from MSL;  he'd talked to Seth a few 
times, having heard that I'd struck up an e-friendship w/ Seth.  I sat down 
and stopped packing for a moment, and wrote out a reply to Steve, which was 
weirdly cathartic.  It was kind of a summary/narrative of Seth being one of 
the folks who I first chatted w/ here, since he was familiar w/ this area, 
from where he was in college nearby.   That led to advice, ideas, 
discussions, photos, etc. etc. (Just as one example, I drooled over his 
bike shed he'd built). It was just a, an acknowledgement of one bicyclist 
to another on the loss of another.   I hit send, went to bed, then the next 
morning was gone out of my normal routine for a couple of weeks, so, it's 
been, surreal, like normality was on pause.


Thing is, everyone else seemed to have already expressed the same thoughts 
and emotions that I had/have.  It didn't seem that there was anything else 
to say here.   But Liesl, reading what you just wrote, having just gotten 
back into "normal", that just hit home.   


I feel guilty.   I love my bikes, but I feel guilty that I'm not a 
"commuter".   I feel guilty that I don't brave traffic, am gun-shy about 
it.  I used to ride anywhere, but anymore, stick to greenbelts and trails 
and lesser-used routes.    There are several cyclists that ride along our 
neighborhood's feeder road;  I always am glad to see them out, hang back 
giving them room, then pass once I can be safe about it.   My wife gripes 
and complains whenever she gets caught behind them, though;  it angers me 
when she starts with her "they should be off the road onto the sidewalk so 
they won't get hit!" spewing.   I try to not fight, but when I try to 
insist that bikes have as much right to be there as a car, she's one who 
disagrees...  and I have to bite my tongue.   I feel guilty that I can't 
get her to see that.  That's been ongoing for years now, but then, this 
happened with Seth.   And it hit home;  it was no longer just a cyclist in 
some distant town, but, was someone I knew, had chatted with, 
appreciated...  The wife didn't pull the "I told you so", but you could 
feel it simmering.... and I felt even more guilty, that I haven't gotten 
through yet.

As we passed through the Triad on I-40, I wanted to detour off through 
Durham. Would have been awkward, a family enroute to camping on the beach, 
pulling up to Eunice and Seth's place; but it would have been 
unannounced/unexpected, the timing wasn't right, and the wife would have 
been miffed, the kids confused... it just didn't happen, but, I wanted to 
'make an appearance'.   I feel guilty I didn't at least try.    


I'm not sure what else to say.  I'm not quite sure of my point.   I just 
want to give each of y'all a hug, and try to go ride w/ ya, even if we're 
riding in different states....

Hang in there, everyone....


-L




On Monday, July 29, 2013 4:42:43 PM UTC-4, Liesl wrote:
>
> I am terribly past due, but I still need to write this.  Several weeks 
> ago, Erin came into the living room and asked me some mundane question.  I 
> didn’t respond; when she looked at me, she saw tears streaming down my face 
> as I stared at my laptop.  With urgency and tenderness, she asked what 
> was wrong.  Crying quietly, I stammered out as best as I could, “It’s ... 
> one of my Riv Pals…he died.”  I couldn’t get out much more in the moment 
> about Seth, but I read all of the posts.  Others have been eloquent, and 
> I will simply offer my heart and deep sympathy to Seth’s family and friends 
> on or off this list.  
>
>  
>
> Here is what I want to say, though, to all of us here–lurkers and posters 
> alike:  My tears let me know that, dang it all, I have come to love our 
> curious little Riv family.  How the heck does that happen with a silly 
> old listserv?  
>
>  
>
> So thanks for being a part of my life, each and every one of you.  Dang it.
>
>  
>
> With great affection,
>
> Riv Chica Warrior
>

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