There's a thread going on the C&V Forum right now about Rivendell. It
started as a PSA
<https://www.bikeforums.net/classic-vintage/1126790-psa-rivendell-tires-cheap.html>
about a sale Riv is running right now on tires. That's pretty cool, and
you should definitely check it out.
But then "The Golden Boy" posted this:
Did you say Grant Petersen?
Grant Petersen taught me how to love a woman — and how to scold a child.
Grant Petersen’s colonoscopy tape got higher ratings than ‘How I Met
Your Mother.'
Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with
Grant Petersen, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Grant
throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three
days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day
and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Grant decides to
enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish
Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I
break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the
crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human.
Did I ever tell you about the time Grant Petersen took me out to go
get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can’t find
one. Finally, Grant takes me into a vacant lot and says, ‘Here we
are.’ Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone
constructed a bar around us. Well, the day they opened it, we
ordered a shot, drank it, and then burnt the place to the ground.
Grant yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the
way you found them!'
Grant Petersen wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
I went camping with Grant Peterson … I’m in the back of a pickup
with Grant Petersen and a live deer. Well, Grant, he grabs the deer
by the antlers, looks at it and says, ‘I’m Grant Petersen! Say it!’
Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of
its mouth — “Grantpetersen!” It wasn’t exactly it, but it was pretty
good for a deer.”
I once saw Grant scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
Did I ever tell you about the time Grant Petersen showed up at my
daughter’s wedding? You know my daughter, she’s a beautiful girl.
Well, Grant shows up and you know he’s a big fella. Well, he’s
standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He’s got
no right to be there, but he’s drunk and he’s Grant. Well, long
story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Grant. We spend
the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I’ve never been loved
before.
Grant once punched a hole in a cow just so he could see who was
coming up the road.
Did I ever tell you about the time Grant was in a production of ‘The
King and I’? On opening night, Grant chloroformed the entire cast
and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The
production got pretty good reviews.
I remember one time Grant took his family to Sea World. They were
watching Shamu the whale when Grant got splashed. So Grant yells,
‘I’m Grant Petersen and no one gets me wet!’ So he climbs into the
tank, grabs Shamu, and throws the whale into the audience, splashes
him and yells, ‘How do you like it?’ And then damn if Grant didn’t
step in there and finish the show.”
--
Steve Palincsar
Alexandria, Virginia
USA
--
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