Is there a version of Merlin and/or php that works out of the box?

I have spent days -- days and more days -- just trying to get the
infrastructure of a single programming language to work. with no success.
after three days I finally got Merlin to serve a localhost file. the docs
did not adequately explain how to install this stuff on a w2k IIS system.
Two more days, and I finally got test.php to parse (although a simple
include statement does not work, Apache cannot find the icons folder, etc.,
etc., etc..) errors -- more errors, configuration files with conflicting
instructions and no mention of even which version of php the file is for.

Examples:
1) httpd.conf says never use backslashes, always use forward slashes in
paths on windows machines. The the Merlin setup installs the file with
backslashes in it. So which one is right?
2) Start Apache - opens command window that does not close or have any
configuration gui.
3) Stop Apache - works --- sometimes.
4) Install Apache as service - this should execute and exit, leaving a
server process running in the background. It does not. It opens another
command window and just sits there.
5) When I started trying to use PHP, I downloaded the binaries from php.net
and installed them. Could not get squat out of it. So some kind person tells
me about Apache Merlin. So I download this huge motha and install that too.
Now I have two different versions of php on my machine, and have no idea
which one is actually being used. or which config files actually --do--
something. (php.exe has no version resource!!!)
6) So in total frustration I tried to remove Merlin from my system. Of
course, that did not work either. So I just deleted the whole directory and
now I'm stuck with who knows what in the registry.

I don't mean to be bitchy, but for the love of God!! I do not have time for
this! I am trying to create a working website, not become
php-apache-guru-man.  Does any one have any suggestions for making the stuff
work, I mean just ____ work?

--
Thanks,

Thomas Kirby
RichmondArtists.com
P.O. Box 1261
Glen Allen, VA 23060
804-262-6429
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
www.richmondartists.com




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