Wouldn't it be a win for heap_tuple_toast_attrs() to fall out quickly
if the tuple contains no varlena attributes?  I'm thinking of adding
a test like

        /* Nothing to do if tuple contains no varlena fields */
        if ((newtup && !HeapTupleAllFixed(newtup)) ||
            (oldtup && !HeapTupleAllFixed(oldtup)))
            /* do existing processing */

This is a pretty cheap test (just checking a header flag) and saves lots
of useless scanning when it succeeds.

                        regards, tom lane

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