But the VPN-Router has a IKE-I-General-failure 0x21ff. All of the sudden it's a problem that I only want to route specific networks?! IPSec is so exhausting.
I got it working. The trick is to have iked send the CREATE_CHILD_SA request / initiate the rekeying first. Either by having lower ikelifetime and lifetime values than on the VPN-router, or by setting higher values on the VPN-router than the iked standards.
I configured iked with halved values my LANCOM router uses. This is stable over time as well as over bytes transferred.
# cat /etc/iked.conf set dpd_check_interval 30 ikev2 "rathaus" active \ from 192.168.0.0/24 to any \ from dynamic to 192.168.0.0/24 \ from dynamic to 192.168.11.55/32 \ local 192.168.1.210 peer IPv4.example.com \ childsa enc aes-256-gcm group modp2048 \ srcid "/C=DE/ST=.../CN=o2.example.local" \ dstid "/C=DE/ST=.../CN=vpn.example.com" \ ikelifetime 54000 \ lifetime 14400 bytes 1G \ request address any \ iface lo1