short version: how do i make tmux stop resizing the window?

i connect to a tmux session from two machines with slightly different
xterm sizes, which causes tmux to pop the window size around and
messes up the backlog. i was under the impression setw aggressive-resize
off would disable this, but it doesn't appear to work. maybe i'm
experiencing regular resizing and not aggressive resizing? do i have
to run setw on all the clients all the time? i'm a little confused
about whether windows exist on the client or the server, or where or
how many times i have to apply this option.

basically, having achieved a stable window size in one client, how do
i lock the window to that size? i don't want it getting bigger if i
disconnect. for that matter, i would prefer that it never shrink even
if i connect to it from a stupidly small netbook screen. i see
force-height force-width options, but they sound like they are really
max-X options and don't actually force anything. is there a "screw you,
i'm the boss" option i can set?

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