Jokes of the day
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You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.
Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk! she screamed.
Funny, he muttered, you even sound exactly like her.
Making a bet at a bar
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. I'll bet you $10 he'll jump, said the first guy. Bet you $10 he won't, said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
I can't take your money, said the first guy. I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news. No, no. Take it, said the second guy. I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!
