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Jokes of the day
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So,
what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered
this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told
the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no
one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and
I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work,
mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had
a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is
amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog
is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner
replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
Joke 2 - A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous
blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow
exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with
an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the
furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that
particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you
a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today
is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check
has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow
returns. The store owner is outraged, "How dare you show your face
here! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I
just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the
most wonderful weekend of my life!"
Joke 3 - A man finally gets
his prescription for Veyegra. Anxious to try it out, he takes one as soon
as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but, in
his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and
his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man
grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off. Unfortunately,
his Veyegra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later
before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting
the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat
and totally exhausted. "What happened?" the man asks, "You
were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating
like crazy?" The cockatiel pants: "Man, have you ever tried
to pry apart the legs on a frozen chicken?"
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