Hi Brian, Please find some comments inline
Best Regards, -----Original Message----- From: Brian E Carpenter [mailto:brian.e.carpen...@gmail.com] Sent: Tuesday, October 04, 2016 04:54 To: draft-ietf-l3sm-l3vpn-service-model....@ietf.org; General Area Review Team Subject: Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-l3sm-l3vpn-service-model-16 I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments. For more information, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Document: draft-ietf-l3sm-l3vpn-service-model-16.txt Reviewer: Brian Carpenter Review Date: 2016-10-04 IETF LC End Date: 2016-10-11 IESG Telechat date: Summary: Ready with issues -------- Comments: --------- I assume that the minor fixes mentioned in the shepherd's writeup will be done. I have not checked the details of the yang. Maror Issues: ------------- > 5.3.2.2.1. IP addressing ... > o slaac : enables stateless address autoconfiguration ([RFC4862]). > This is applicable only for IPv6. You can't stop there. Within SLAAC, privacy addresses (RFC4941) may or may not be allowed by an operator, and opaque addresses (RFC7217) may be required. So two more Boolean properties are needed. Also, DHCPv6, SLAAC and static addresses may coexist; they are not mutually exclusive. I'm not sure if your model allows that. [SLI] We did not wanted to add all the possible options, but the most current ones. New scenarios can always been added through augmentations. > 5.12.2.1. QoS classification This is too simple. At least, it needs to be able to handle a port range, not just a single port number. [SLI] What we need to identify is a particular application running on a specific port, we are not defining a router configuration framework here. > 5.12.2.2. QoS profile rate-limit, priority-level, and guaranteed-bw-percent may be OK for MPLS, but they do not capture the needed parameters for differentiated services. I could write an essay here, but I think the best starting point is draft-ietf-tsvwg-diffserv-intercon. [SLI] Again, we captured the most used parameters by service providers. The goal is not to provide all. But If you see a specific parameter that is widely used and not implemented here, feel free to point it. Also, I don't understand how you can separate this issue from Section 5.13.2. Transport constraints, where you do discuss parameters relevant to diffserv. The whole point about diffserv-intercon is to quantify and standardise the constraints at interconnections. [SLI] We discussed this point when we designed the model, and it was simpler to express the transport constraint at vpn level than trying to implement them per site. That's why it was decoupled. I recommend having TSVWG review sections 5.12 and 5.13. Minor Issues: ------------- > 5.2.2. Cloud access ... > If NAT is required to access to the cloud, the nat-enabled leaf MUST > be set to true. ... Although NAT is mentioned, I saw no support for NPTv6 (RFC6296). I also saw no mention of private or shared address space (RFC1918, RFC4193 or RFC6598). [SLI] NAT is a generic term, it only mentions that address translation is needed but does not tell what technology will be used. Nothing prevents SP to implement NPTv6. The non working point is that the customer-nat-address is an IPv4 type which is a mistake ... it could be IPv6 also. ... > How the restrictions will be configured on network elements is out of > scope of this document and will be specific to each deployment. "Each deployment"? I would have thought that this might be uniform for a given suite of software+hardware implementing the model, or even that standard practice might emerge with experience. So I suggest to truncate this sentence: How the restrictions will be configured on network elements is out of scope of this document. [SLI] Fixed > <vpn-svc> > <vpn-id>ZKITYHJ054687</vpn-id> ... Suddenly we have two chunks of XML with no explanation. Why are we using XML? Should these be captioned as figures? Some text explaining the usage of XML is missing. Since there are XML configuration fragments in many places later in the document, this could be in Section 1.1. Terminology. [SLI] I added a sentence in terminology. XML is the best way to provide examples of what will be used in Netconf or Restconf. JSON is also possible but less practical to write. > 5.3.2.2.1. IP addressing > > IP subnet can be configured for either transport protocols. For a > dual stack connection, two subnets will be provided, one for each > transport layer. Surely you don't mean 'transport layer'? And I think you mean 'prefix' rather than 'subnet'. ... [SLI] It is fixed. > o provider-dhcp : the provider will provide DHCP service for > customer equipments, this is applicable to both IPv4 and IPv6 > addressing. I find it confusing that you use provider-dhcp for both DHCP and DHCPv6. They are different protocols. I understand that the usage is inside container ipv6 {} or container ipv4 {} but it's still confusing. [SLI] I changed the text to be more clear. > 5.3.2.3. Inheritance of parameters between site and > site-network-access This section raises more questions than it answers - especially questions about how the orchestrator works. I suggest adding a comment along the lines of "out of scope... requires further study." > 5.6.6.1. Multihoming > > The customer wants to create a multihomed site. How do you express, for IPv6, that the customer has multiple IPv6 prefixes, one per ISP? (RFC7157 situation) This is not clear in section 5.3.2. Site network accesses. [SLI] Customer can request SP to propagate its prefixes through dynamic routing protocols or static routing. The customer can do what he wants regarding how it manages its routing. > 5.9. Security Don't you want a placeholder for firewall policy elements? [SLI] This was here before but removed as considered out of scope by the WG. Security container can be augmented if necessary. > 5.11. Routing protocols > > Routing-protocol defines which routing protocol must be activated > between the provider and the customer router. The current model > support : bgp, rip, ospf, static, direct, vrrp. As with DHCP, I find it confusing. There are two BGPs, two RIPs, and two OSPFs, and using the same name for IPv4 and IPv6 seems wrong. (VRRPv3 seems to be the same for both IP versions, but do you need to distinguish it from VRRPv2?). [SLI] This is really device configuration oriented comment. I think the customer does not really care that we need to activate a special version of the protocol. For BGP, it's a single BGP not another protocol :) (just a new AF carried) > 9. Security Considerations It would be useful to refer here to Section 5.9. Security. Nits: ----- Watch for undefined jargon (VRF is an example). There are a lot of minor grammatical or typographical errors that make the text more difficult to read. Quite a lot of work for the RFC editor. Two examples: > 5.2.1.2. Any to any ... > In the any to any VPN service topology, all VPN sites can discuss > between each other without any restriction. The word 'discuss' is badly chosen; I suggest 'communicate' everywhere: In the any-to-any VPN service topology, all VPN sites can communicate with each other without any restriction. [SLI] Thanks it's fixed. > It is expected that the > management system that receives a any to any IPVPN service request > through this model, needs to assign and then configure the VRF and > route-targets on the appropriate PEs. should be It is expected that the management system that receives an any-to-any IPVPN service request through this model needs to assign and then configure the VRF and route-targets on the appropriate PEs. [SLI] Fixed _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Ce message et ses pieces jointes peuvent contenir des informations confidentielles ou privilegiees et ne doivent donc pas etre diffuses, exploites ou copies sans autorisation. Si vous avez recu ce message par erreur, veuillez le signaler a l'expediteur et le detruire ainsi que les pieces jointes. 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