I apologize for the resend, I had a typo in the gen-art email address. Best regards, Kathleen ________________________________________ From: Moriarty, Kathleen Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 9:16 AM To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected] Cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; Black, David Subject: Gen-art review of draft-ietf-storm-iscsi-cons-06
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> . Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may receive. Document: draft-ietf-storm-iscsi-cons-06 Reviewer: Kathleen Moriarty Review Date: September 3, 2012 IETF LC End Date: Unsure, it was delayed IESG Telechat date: (if known) Summary: draft-ietf-storm-iscsi-cons-06 combines and updates several RFCs. The document is ready with nits. This document describes a transport protocol for SCSI that works on top of TCP. The iSCSI protocol aims to be fully compliant with the standardized SCSI Architecture Model (SAM-2). This document obsoletes RFCs 3720, 3980, 4850 and 5048 by consolidating them into a single document and making additional updates to the consolidated specification. This document also updates RFC 3721 and RFC 3723. Major issues: Minor issues: Nits/editorial comments: IDNits does not come up clean. Please review the output and correct the updates/obsoletes as appropriate in the header. IDnits is looking for RFC# and the draft just includes the #. Additionally, Updates does not include RFC5048 and RFC4850 in the header. Section 2.3 first bullet: replace 'consolidated' with 'consolidates' bullet #8 - don't need a comma Section 3.5: Should the shall and shall not be in caps? Section 4.1: Second sentence: I believe "Section" should be lower case as it is not referring to a section number, but informally stating 'this section'. Section 4.2.2.3.4.: Reword first sentence, should snot end with 'with'. Section 9.2, 4th paragraph, for consistency with similar section references start in this section and continue through the document. In most cases, there is a dash with a space after a section number. If that is the preferred format for consistency, here are a few places this shows up, although a search should be made to make this consistent. "12.1.3- "Challenge" should be "12.1.3 - "Challenge" and in paragraph 5: "12.1.2- "Secure" should be "12.1.2 - "Secure" Section 9.2.1, forth paragraph:"12.1.3-" should be "12.1.3 -" Section 10 contains more examples that do not contain a space, so the better approach may be to change the ones with a space to no space after the section number. Section 11.3.6 - goes back to using a space following the section number reference. Section 14, #3, I don't think it is necessary to say "under the new IETF Review registration procedures", rather just, "under the IETF Review registration procedures". They could change again. Thank you, Kathleen _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
