Tuhin, You are welcome to have your opinion. But since you named me I have at least a right (if not an obligation) to explain some of this.
First, A conversation is never one track and/or boxed. It can meander into other things and that is Ok, that is desireable, and that is what makes conversations interesting and make them last. So if a search for partners leads to epiphanies on fried bombay ducks, that is perfectly fine. In fact I thnk that may even be helpful to the one who is so seriously searching, for at the very least it should tell him that irrespective of the outcome or the consequence of the search, there are other and more enjoyable things in life that should not be overlooked. Second, about the seriousness of the search itself. I did respond to that mail when it ws originally sent some weeks back, and on the second instance when the same mail was reposted, wrote in sarcastic metaphor of a feast being demanded even when the person claims to be not hungry. I am not an expert on relationships, but I have one in my life and have made it last/work in spite of many travails for over a decade, so at least I can claim some experience. The person who wrote is 22 as you rightly pointed out. Again, the very fact of the age difference between us should should allow me the privilege of experience. Simply put, due to the mere fact of having lived longer, I have seen more of the world. And I would rather help out to someone less experienced with the truth, even if it is harsh, than false and unsustainable panderings that would most likely lead to disappointment in the long run. And that is what I did with my first response to this guy's mail. A person has every right to be a romantic fool in his or her private domain. We all harbour such sillyness. But when a person takes it into the public domain, into a public discussion forum, s/he should be open to having that notion critically scrutinised and maybe even trashed. I do not think it is wrong for a 22 year old to be exposed to this, for everyone has to grow up to the harsher realities of life at some point, and the sooner the better. My experience with my own life and the countless people I have counselled over time, has been that most people get into the 'partner search' market with extremely defined stereotypes in their minds about what they want. They keep adding attributes to this image in their minds over time. And what they end up with is an unreal person who often has the romanticism of a Dev Anand, the pathos of a Meena Kumari, the brawn of a Rambo, the looks of a Tom Cruz, and the humanity of a Nelson Mandela. Over and on top of that they should ideally have to discretion to distinguish between a Rohit Bal and an Aki Narula outfit. Simply put, they close themselves to the real world, they persist in a fool's paradise, and they end up disappointed because such a person as the one they are looking for does not exist in real life. In other words they go in with what is essentially a closed mind, and that closed mind is detremental to their own interest in the long run for they end up being either lonely, or unhappy, or most likely both. Take this guy who wrote. He starts with the cliche that he has no expectations and then goes into 8 paras of what this person should or should not be. His problem is that he really belives that it is the 'in thing' to say "I have no expectations", when in fact the obverse is the reality. One should not live the cliche of "no expectations", one should try and practice it. Practicing it is a key to being happy in life. And that is what I was trying to point out to him in my mails. If he persists with his search with the present wishlist that he has given himself he is more likely than not to end up in disappointment. But even worse, because he is so set on what he wants, he is most likely going to be prone to overlook all the many wonderful people who would come to his life, simply because they do not fit the silly and worthless stereotype he has created for himself. But the worst case is when a person 'compromises' with his stereotype and settles for a guy (because the stereotype does not exist and/or because the lonliness is too much to take or whatever) and then spends the rest of their time together not celebrating what this other guy stands for in his own rights and merits, but about how he is less than what is the ideal. That way the person end up making himself miserable and making the other person miserable and spreading unhappiness all round. I am not good with being diplomatic, and I am certainly not one out here to win a beauty contest based on my popularity. So when all the inane platitudes flow in from many wishing how they look forward to this guy getting what he wants, I would rather be the bitch and point out that unless he tones down the expectation meter, he is not getting what he wants. That is the harsh reality and that is something one needs to hear, even if one does not like it. And since this is a public forum and the person delved here with what could have been kept in the realm of private fantasies, I will tell it the way it is. If he chooses to emote at my reply its his folly, if he understand and mends its going to be to his advantage. The calling there is his and his alone. Best regards and may you bloom in your chosen paradise while we are 'sadoing yahan par' in bold letters, Aditya Bondyopadhyay On 18 January 2011 20:17, Tuhin Roy <its_tu...@yahoo.co.in> wrote: > > > > > You gays suck...this is how typically Indian gay behaves....though I was > feeling bad for being away from my Country, now I am really...really glad > that I have left that hopeless and pathetic gay culture... > > ....someone is trying to find a love seriously and you guys are making such > a fun of it... > > ...Aditya and Asfan...you are those guys I used to respect, I have always > liked your views and straight-forwardness...but you also proved to be no > different than others... > > ...this guy is young (22) and looking seriously...if you cannot help...at > least don't make fun of his emotions.... > > ...it hardly matters whether or not finally Supreme Court allows gay > marriage...the Indian mentality is never gonna change...so I would say Sado > wahan par... > > > > > > --- On *Tue, 18/1/11, Sunny dreams <huggsandkisses_l...@yahoo.com>* wrote: > > > From: Sunny dreams <huggsandkisses_l...@yahoo.com> > > Subject: Re: g_b Looking for Soul Mate > To: gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > Date: Tuesday, 18 January, 2011, 10:23 AM > > > > > cook?? I love cooking some south indian dishes , AND NON VEG- hehe > > --- On *Mon, 1/17/11, deepakpatel...@yahoo.com > <deepakpatel...@yahoo.com>*wrote: > > > From: deepakpatel...@yahoo.com <deepakpatel...@yahoo.com> > Subject: Re: g_b Looking for Soul Mate > To: gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > Date: Monday, January 17, 2011, 11:38 PM > > > > What can u cook > > Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone > ------------------------------ > *From: *asfan <asfa...@yahoo.com> > *Sender: *gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > *Date: *Mon, 17 Jan 2011 14:02:58 +0530 (IST) > *To: *<gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com> > *ReplyTo: *gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > *Subject: *Re: g_b Looking for Soul Mate > > > > If you can make good fried Bombay Ducks, I am your man. > > asfan > > ------------------------------ > *From:* attract <attractsaf...@gmail.com> > *To:* gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > *Sent:* Fri, January 14, 2011 11:48:27 PM > *Subject:* g_b Looking for Soul Mate > > Passions- To Make My Partner Eat The Food Cooked By Me. > > > > > > > Reply to > sender<its_tu...@yahoo.co.in?subject=Re%3A%20g_b%20Looking%20for%20Soul%20Mate>| > Reply > to > group<gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com?subject=Re%3A%20g_b%20Looking%20for%20Soul%20Mate>| > Reply > via web > post<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/post;_ylc=X3oDMTJxNWRubW5hBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM2NDIwMjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MzA1MTkxBG1zZ0lkAzMyODUxBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3JwbHkEc3RpbWUDMTI5NTM3NTIwNA--?act=reply&messageNum=32851>| > Start > a New > Topic<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/post;_ylc=X3oDMTJlMTI1cXZjBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM2NDIwMjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MzA1MTkxBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA250cGMEc3RpbWUDMTI5NTM3NTIwNA--> > Messages in this > topic<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/message/32821;_ylc=X3oDMTM2ZGplaHEyBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM2NDIwMjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MzA1MTkxBG1zZ0lkAzMyODUxBHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTI5NTM3NTIwNAR0cGNJZAMzMjgyMQ-->( > 10) > Recent Activity: > > - New > Members<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/members;_ylc=X3oDMTJma3VnM2czBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM2NDIwMjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MzA1MTkxBHNlYwN2dGwEc2xrA3ZtYnJzBHN0aW1lAzEyOTUzNzUyMDQ-?o=6> > 25 > > Visit Your > Group<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay;_ylc=X3oDMTJlbW9vdW42BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM2NDIwMjEEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1MzA1MTkxBHNlYwN2dGwEc2xrA3ZnaHAEc3RpbWUDMTI5NTM3NTIwNA--> > > Email: modera...@gaybombay.in > > E Groups: > > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay > > http://groups.google.com/group/Gaybombay > > http://groups.google.com/group/GayIndia > > Public archives at > http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay%40yahoogroups.com/maillist.html > > Rss feed: > http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com/maillist.xml > > GB Internet Radio at http://www.gaybombay.in/gbradio > > Web Sites: > > www.gaybombay.in > > www.gayindia.org > > Orkut: > > http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Profile?uid=15084918632470824129 > > Blogs: > > http://gaybombay.blogspot.com > > http://gaybombay.wordpress.com > > Twitter: > > http://twitter.com/gaybombay > > http://twitter.com/gayindia > > Facebook: > > http://www.facebook.com/gaybombay > > http://www.facebook.com/gayindia > MARKETPLACE > > Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're on - Get > the Yahoo! 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